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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR MICROSOFT HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
REDMOND, WASHINGTON-- Phil Gates is a man who is struggling to hold onto his own identity. Phil, a 47-year-old Seattle area resident maintains that he is not related to Bill Gates, and he is starting to feel the pressure of being compared to the Microsoft guru.
Phil--who admittedly uses Windows--works as a software consultant for the Altwest group, in Seattle, and makes a respectable $32,000/year. But despite his own accomplishments, people continue to draw comparisons between Phil and his wealthy look-alike. "Where do people find this stuff--the Internet?" asked Phil, who once programmed a crude operating system in assembly language using only 9 keystrokes for his TRS-80 in 1979. "I don't look anything like [Bill Gates]." Wherever Phil goes in his Redmond neighbourhood, he gets "recognized" as the richest man in the state of Washington. Phil, who always wears a suit and prefers his chrome-framed glasses to contact lenses, fails to see any resemblance. "Bill is thin...and his hair is always foppish," said Phil in a broken, off-pitch voice. "I'm much more muscular...and my hair is...kempt. I'm pretty sure I'm at least half an inch taller." Phil thinks that he looks more like a brainy Christopher Walken. "I wouldn't mind that comparison," admitted Phil shyly. "Chris [Walken] gets the chicks. I could use some of that action." (Phil used the fact that he was single and Bill Gates was married as another part of his argument.) "When I think about it though, I bet he would be a bachelor if it weren't for all that money...and fame...and business acumen." Phil--who by coincidence shares many of Bill Gates' interests and passions--once wrote a solitaire program in pure machine language, but he doesn't brag about it. "Well...I always have been good with computers," said Phil quietly. "Come to think of it, I am adopted...and I do get angry whenever I see a Macintosh computer or I hear about antitrust suits...I suppose...it is possible...maybe..." Phil did have one confession: "In the Southcenter mall the other day, some geek wanted me to autograph his copy of Technology Masterminds. I was so taken aback I signed it without thinking." Phil's friend Gary Ellison was curious about the whole thing. "Hey,
maybe Phil's a clone," considered Gary. "I'm sure Bill Gates
is used to people making copies by now."
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