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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BACHELOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
It may be for poker night, it could be a study session, or it just may be "get sloshed night." Regardless of the circumstance, if you're going to have friends over, there will be probably be alcohol involved, and you will be assuming some risks. Mainly--pukeage and other forms of spewage. It is important to prepare your modest apartment for these occurrences. Not only must you secure your most fragile collection of Spiderman action figures, and your Justice League collector plates, you must safely stow all of your other vulnerable decorations, trinkets, and baubles. I try to reduce the post-party chores by removing cushions and pillows, and I force my guests to use their own bottles, thermos' or slurpee cups. Disposable cups cost money, so remember to save the summer 7-Eleven collectible beverage containers. A tarp may not be as fashionable as a tablecloth, but it does help. And nobody's keeping score of the fashion points anyways. If they were, you'd have been penalized plenty for the Transformers bed comforter and the Johnny Bravo shower curtain. The one advantage of hosting a party, is that you can ask your friends to bring snackage, and you can usually make your friends share their booze with you, or enact a beer tariff for each of your visitors; this is an economical solution that they'll try to resist. You may offer to supply pop or juice--it is a far cheaper trade-off than providing the rum for your slacker buddies. You may have to buy at least a six-pack, because there is usually one friend who is too poor to afford to drink. Sharing some of your liquid bounty will make you appear charitable, and could help you later on, when you need a ride, or have to borrow money (check out last month's article on borrowing and lending). However, when you're the host, your fridge may hold a treasure of varied liquor the next morning--unless your friends out-drink themselves or absolutely insist on taking home that last can of Molson's. If you have to supply any food, you can always whip up something using crackers and squeeze-cheese. Anything more than that is an extravagance. Sometimes you can con the friend with the cash to spill for a pizza, although it is rare. You don't want to make your bachelor pad too comfortable for your friends, because more of them will want to spend the night, and then you may have to feed them the next morning. It's far better not to have any extra blankets or sleeping bags if you can avoid it. That way everyone goes home. Hey, nobody
said being a bachelor was supposed to be easy. Just remember, you'll have
plenty to time to host legitimate parties, bbq's, and socials when you're
locked in a relationship, and bogged down with a mortgage. Enjoy the single
life while you can!
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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