 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Hello, my name is Frank Herschel. In my seven-year term as the undisputed World Champion of Evil (as recognized by several evil peer associations) I've had the opportunity to create and destroy three entirely separate methods of generating the energy I needed to stay on top, including one that relied on power hidden in the atomic structure of tree stumps. What are the sources for your inexhaustible power supply? Coal? Wheat-derived ethanol? The more obscure the source, the better off you will be at preventing those wimpy doers-of-good from playing dirty and cutting off your lines of supply. In the mid 1970s Sombrero Sam developed a devious method to extract enormous amounts of hydrogen power from fields of fava beans. No one suspected a thing as he created an evil army of mechanical crop-pickers destined to take over Central America and the Southern United States. He would have succeeded too, if I hadn't double-crossed him and exposed his plan to his arch-enemy Zotou the Mask, champion of good and all that rot. Knowing where all the energy to power his diabolical machines came from, Zotou torched the fava bean fields and Sombrero Sam's machines fell silent. In contrast, the Red Curtain relied on nuclear energy. In the planning stages of "the enterprise" it made perfect sense I'm sure, but, take it from me, it's just plain hard getting your hands on really useful amounts of plutonium without drawing attention. The Red Curtain ended up languishing under a mountain of forms and red tape after the Nuclear Energy Commission got wind of his efforts. The last I heard he was thinking of making a move to solar power. My personal favourites for energy sources are environmentally friendly and endlessly renewable like cold-fusion generators that run on tap water. It's not that I care about the environment, it's just the satisfaction I get knowing I've controlled limitless amounts of free energy--and I'll never tell anyone how I did it! Ha ha ha! Make sure you've taken proper security precautions once your power supply is set up. It's absolutely essential that you have a large "On/Off" lever for a switch. Don't bother with buttons--if it comes to a final confrontation between good and evil you don't want it turned off (or on) accidentally by bodies or weapons flailing around. Keep it simple--a large red lever requiring some effort to move and clearly labelled in large letters "On" and "Off". It's a good idea to situate it on a column near the middle of your power command centre. And if you can, avoid making the entire thing out of materials that shatter easy. As the upcoming
legion of doom, you are already aware that power is everything. I hope
these few hints on power supply will help you on your own insidious and
underhanded path to world domination.
Captain Electro's Evil Archive
|
|||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
A
Step By Step Guide With Former Evil Genius Captain Electro
