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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR CANADIAN HINTERLAND HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
PACIFIC COAST-- On Vancouver Island's west coast lies the quiet town of Tofino. The quaint fishing port is an ideal destination for vacationing boaters, tourists, and fishers. But it's also home to one of the Pacific's most playful pests--the horned otter.
The Pacific horned otter, known in Latin as Antlera Aquaticus Rodentii, is indigenous to the northwest coastal North America. A direct relative of the sea otter, and distant cousin to the water buffalo, the horned otter is one of nature's most mischievous ocean mammals. The horns of these playful creatures make them unique but dangerous. The horns, which they use to spear fish and to pry open shellfish, can be as sharp as razor coral, making the otters unintentionally threatening. Although gentle by nature, they will sharpen these horns on anything from shore rocks to the bottoms of sea vessels. "You'll see a lot of half-sunk Zodiacs (inflatable boats) in these parts," said Rudy Relichenko, salmon fisherman. "Those antlered sea rats puncture them all the time." Dr. Herbert Ishmael, a marine biologist from the University of British Columbia, believes the otters should be protected, as they are an important part of the natural order. "Sure, they shred the odd fishing net, and they like to sneak up and prick unsuspecting sunbathing sea lions, but they also keep wharf pilings and metal hulls clean, scraping off mussels, barnacles, and starfish," said Dr. Ishmael, . "The divers don't like it, because it puts them out of work. But aside from the odd inconvenience, the horned otter is a harmless creature of the sea, and it should have the right to exist." First Nations peoples once hunted the horned otter, but there is legendary Haida tale that speaks of a spirited otter who impaled a young tribal hunter through the bottom of his canoe. They have been co-existing peacefully since that time. Horned otters will shed their horns in early winter. The horns make up a large portion of the peculiar driftwood along British Columbia and Washington beaches. Collectors will use the horns in carvings or native crafts, along with decorative kelp or dried jellyfish. Tourism is a big part of Tofino's economy, and the horned otters are part of the attraction, although most are coming out to sea the great killer whales. Some locals would prefer that the horned otters were lower on the food chain. "They're
just pests," stated Rudy, who claims he lost his pet seal "Randy"
to a horned otter attack. "They're the varmints of the sea."
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| This fictional story about sea otters is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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