Life box chocolates
Life box chocolates

CANADA'S SOURCE FOR CHOCOLATE HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

Text Ads and Text Links on The Toque
Text Security Cameras
Humor TopSites
Biting Satire
Funniest Jokes
Super Duper Pages Directory
Online Golf
Dating Women
Bowling
Diet Weight Loss
Apartments For Rent
Home Equity Loan
Fucked Up Link Dump
Electric Bikes
Learn English
Free MP3s
Funny Pets
Home Garden Centers
Canada Travel
Funny Signs
Good Canadian Website
Free Emoticon Smiley Generator
Really Bad Hair
Womens Health
Poker Gaming Sites
I Have To Confess
Cel Phones
Refreshing News
Rewarding Loans
Car Insurance
Lying Scumbag
Pet Names
Free Website Games
Myspace Layouts
Wacky Videos
Puzzles And Stuff
Text Link Advertising
Modest Houses
Language School
Start Your Own Cult
Evil Guide
Grouchy Joe Proud American
Bachelor Tips
Domain Under Construction
The Lord Above
Virtual Web Log
Nude Pictures Of Jessica Simpson
Geek Jokes, Computer Jokes
Funny Baby Pictures
Adult Jokes
Funny, Strange, Bizarre New Stories & Pictures!
Daily Humor, Satire, And Funny Stories
Advertise Text Links on The Toque
 

Life box chocolates
Sometimes You Have To Take The Light With The Dark

STEVESTON PARK-- Rupert's mother always told him that "Life is like a box of chocolates...and that you should use chocolates to attract yourself a nice woman...because women like chocolates." Rupert never understood his bon-bon crazed mother, and so he has gone through life lonely and confused. He is still following the advice of his departed mother, but he has yet to find love or companionship.

Life box chocolates
Rupert sits patiently with a box of chocolates, hoping to meet himself a nice woman.

Rupert is now sixty-one years old, and close to retirement. When he is not working as a tool and die machinist, or tinkering with Ham radios, he spends time at the municipal park, working with chocolates hoping to meet someone special.

He hasn't had any luck yet.

"I don't understand," asked Rupert. "I've got the chocolates, and I sit in the park waiting for a nice lady to come sit down beside me, so that I can offer her a chocolate-coated nougat or perhaps an orange cream, but they all hastily walk by, not even pausing to say 'hello'. I'm not sure I completely understand the relationship with chocolate."

Rupert has been going to Steveston Park for almost three years, and has yet to meet a pleasant woman with whom he could share a conversation with, as well as sharing a hazelnut cluster, or a toffee supreme.

"There's nothing wrong with these chocolates," said Rupert. "If I don't hand them out after a week or so I eat them myself, and then I go to Laura Secord's and buy another box. The cashier at the store insists that women adore chocolates, but I haven't met one that does. I think I'm starting to get a cavity."

Rupert is certain that his location is not the problem.

"I sit near the edge of the park on a bench, shaded by ivy and a maple tree. It's a quiet place to sit...and wait."

"There was one time when a young boy asked me if he could have a chocolate, but a moment later his mother came over running and screaming, telling him to 'get away from that creepy, old man'," said Rupert. "She was probably worried that the boy would spoil his dinner, or he may have been diabetic. I thought those police officers might have wanted a nice coffee cream when they came rushing over, but I guess they just wanted to say 'hello'."

Rupert's resolve is starting to wane. He's beginning to think that life's answers are not printed out as they are on the inside lid of the chocolate box.

"I think I'm going to give up on momma's advice," stated Rupert, "and join the backgammon club at the community centre. I'm getting sick of these bloody chocolates."

Archived Stories

 
Advertise on The Toque for $30/month
Raisins By The Pound Mail Order Brides, Grooms, And Ushers Become An NHL Star Overnight Learn Swedish While U Sleep Top Selling Come-Ons Popular Bowling Bloopers Discount Buttered Popcorn Safe Memory Implants Wholesale Vegetables Online Bootleg Jay Leno Reruns Legal Hair Extensions Used Jokes Cheap Visit Beautiful Spuzzum Delicious Corn Lose Weight Fast. Dump Your Boyfriend Nerd And Geek Personals Curb Road Rage Without Using The Finger Hair Falling Out? Buy A Hat! Online Multiplayer Minesweeper

 

  

Join Our Mailing List
Send This Story To A Friend
This fictional story about chocolates is intended for adults.   The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire.
Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment.