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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR RELIGIOUS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Did you know that God's plan for you is Personally Guaranteed? Yes, it is! God loves you and wants you to succeed in all your endeavours. That's why He has developed a marvelous system that will work to promote any home business you are in. Using special Keys of Understanding to understand His Word and decode the inspirational messages He has left for you, you too can amass immense riches. This week we will examine the Book of Jeremiah. God cares so much for your welfare He has developed a powerful and ingenious promotional system to help you. The Book of Jeremiah is in the Old Testament. While it is literally, and entirely truthfully, about the warnings of catastrophe approaching because of sin and idolatry, there is also a special message hidden inside by God. It's waiting for you to discover. Let's look together: Chapter 21, verse four reads: "Tell Zedekiah that the Lord, the God of Israel, had said, 'Zedekiah, I am going to defeat your army that is fighting against the king of Babylonia and his army'." Applying the Keys of Understanding, a series of refined, scientific mathematical processes too detailed to go through in this short space we can translate this phrase as: "We have never had a single person fail who has stuck with our system for 6 months. I am so confident in our system that I offer a $1000 guarantee!" Can you see the Lord's confidence in you to follow His ministry? Verse nine reads: "Anyone who stays in the city will be killed in war or by starvation or disease. But whoever goes out and surrenders to the Babylonians, who are now attacking the city, will not be killed; he will at least escape with his life." Using my Keys of Understanding, developed over the last 16 years, we can now translate this as: "This system is only for serious and qualified individuals wishing to replace their full time salary by working at home." The Keys of Understanding have been scientifically proven again and again to unlock the hidden mysteries of God's Word, and to help you earn a well-deserved reward for your trials and tribulations. We have looked at just two verses of one Book of the Holy Scripture. Imagine the Wealth of Information God has hidden in the whole Bible! Imagine what it could mean to you! I leave you
with Chapter Fifteen, verse fifteen, as interpreted by these special and
unique Keys of Understanding: "No particular skills or knowledge
is required, a child can succeed with this system! See if you qualify.
Evan Gilleste's Biblical Archive
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Biblical
Prophecy: How To Make It Work For You
