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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Of course we have the little puppies that we carry around in our purses, making for room on our laps for them to be cute and adorable! Their purpose is of course to draw attention to ourselves, but they serve also to protect us from unworthy suitors, those selfish men who are only concerned with the sex, and not with the family responsible that goes along with the ownership of the small dogs. When you go to choose your little precious companion, be sure to order one that is small of course. Any breed will do, as long as the word "toy" is in front of it. Toy always means smaller, and you know that a heavy dog, or a sloppy drooling dog will not suffice for you. Avoid however the silly or unpronouncable dog types such as the "shitzoo" and the "lotsa-apso". Be sure to have your seamstress fashion up clothing that matches all of your designer clothes. They are so much the cuter when they have the matching sweater, and the fancy ribbon in their fur. Always have your chef make the small tidbits of steak ready for your darling. Also, you can always find a pretentious canine deli for you to spend loads of money on your sweet pet. These precious little creatures are not so hard to be maintained, as long as you have your domestic assistant to be cleaning up the filthy messes that come out of their bottoms. Do not forget
to make up the cutesy pet names for your animal, and always be remembering
to talk in a cutesy voice so as to annoy all of your snobby friends.
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Advice from Helena Aunde-Bague
