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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
COLUMBIA RIVER-- Roger Greensborough has been sending out resumes to potential employers for two months now, and has yet to receive a single reply to any of his job applications. Roger is an experienced sandbagger, and doesn't understand why he's being screened out for jobs.
"I've got a degree in engineering, and for the past four years I've been sandbagging," said Roger, 34. "It states quite clearly on my cover letters and in my work experience that I'm a sandbagger. I thought that sort of work was respected." Roger has been applying for work with the State, but he has also submitted applications for warehouse work, street repairs, construction, and even manual labour. "Is there no one out there who will hire a sandbagger?" asked Roger, who is getting frustrated at the lack of employment opportunities. "I do have other skills." The in-person reactions he gets are puzzling to Roger. "I got one strange reply from a receptionist at this one place I applied at--an architectural firm," said Roger. "I told the woman I was a sandbagger, and she said: 'Oh, so you goof off at work?'. I said: 'No, I fill bags with sand.' She took my resume and said she'd 'keep it on file'." "I got the same reaction at a construction site I went to looking for work. They said they already had enough 'sandbaggers'. The foreman sounded sarcastic, and he did that quotation thing with his fingers." Roger doesn't understand why he's being treated differently. "What's wrong with being a sandbagger? Our work is important," exclaimed Roger. "What if there's a flood? Or the riverbank is rising and the levee breaks? Or what if you need a trench reinforced? Who do you think gets called when there's an erosion threat?" "People must get the impression--from where I don't know--that sandbaggers are nothing but slacking layabouts. They wouldn't say that if their house was about to wash away. Their opinions change after we've rerouted a river flow using a few thousand bags of sand." Roger's frustration is starting to show. "Do you know how icky sand can be? Do you know how many times I came home chafing because I had granules of sand in my boxers? Have you any idea how much wet sand can weigh?" Roger was
considering joining the military, where his sandbagging skills could be
appreciated in the building of command posts, turrets, and checkpoints.
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