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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR TRAPPING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
DAWSON CREEK, BRITISH COLUMBIA-- Perhaps it was whim, or maybe he just needed a change. Whatever the reasons, Yvon LeFleur has given up his urban life to become a trapper, choosing to hunt, trade, and forage instead of shopping, ordering, and consuming. For Yvon, who had several ancestors who were trappers, the lifestyle change has been quite radical.
Yvon had never been outside of the "big city" before his decision to move to the bush and become a trapper, giving up the comforts of civilization to live off the land. The closest experiences he had were "hunting" for parking spots in downtown Vancouver, or "tracking down" the phone number of a friend. "I heard the stories about my grandfather wrestling with bears," said Yvon, who was a courier dispatcher for 36 years. "I was always impressed with those stories, but I will need much more practice before I can attempt that myself. The only thing I have ever wrestled with before is a delivery deadline." Already, Yvon has had to face several challenges in his first weeks in the wilderness. "My cell phone battery died the first day I was out here, and I have no electricity in this cabin to recharge it," said Yvon, gesturing around the simple one-room log structure. "I also forgot to bring a can opener. Fortunately, my vodka coolers have twist-off caps." Getting supplies for the move also posed a few problems. Yvon spent several months cultivating a "Grizzly Adams" beard and grooming his eyebrows, but he couldn't find an authentic fur cap. He eventually settled for one made out of acrylic fibres. He bought a replica musket, be he hopes he won't ever have to fire it. "I'm too kind to hurt any of these forest creatures," said Yvon, "and being a vegetarian I just can't see myself shooting them for food. I got the gun because you can't live out here without having one. It's like the plaid jacket and the snowshoes--it's essential to have those too." Yvon has never used snowshoes before, but believes they shouldn't be too different from the Sorrel boots he left in the city. For traps, Yvon has several innovative ideas. "Instead of the leg-hold trap I plan on using bio-degradable cartons," he said. "They're basically box traps made from recycled newsprint. For bait I will use a soy-based vegetable protein with tamari sauce and perhaps a little organic hummus. A few sunflower sprouts on the side, and, voila, a nutritious meal for the creature!" "After I've trapped the creature I'm not exactly sure what to do with it," said Yvon. "I think it's just catch-and-release. I just have to make sure they don't scratch me when I let them go. I tried to ask a couple of Indians...I mean natives...I mean indigenous, err, aboriginal, no umm, first nations people, but they wouldn't roll down the window of their Nissan Pathfinder." Over the coming months, Yvon hopes to "do some portaging", befriend a grizzly, tame a badger, and any other "trapper stuff" that comes to mind. "I've
always wanted to 'live the dream'," said Yvon, breathing in the smog-free
air, "and now I am. I just hope I packed enough macaroni and cheese
to last through this adventure."
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| This fictional story about trapping is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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