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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
YOUR LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE-- Patrons of 7-Eleven stores across North America have long been drawn by its inexpensive, yet refreshing beverages. The most popular of these are the Big Gulps™, which are supplied by the franchises' numerous soda fountains. In a new twist on an old concept 7-Eleven is now putting its fountain drinks outside. The effervescent new fountains are allowing patrons to quench their thirst and they're attracting new customers with their appealing landscaping details.
Fountains have been providing liquid refreshment since the Romans first invented plumbing, thousands of years ago. However, until carbonation and sugary caffeine-filled beverages were invented in the late 1800s, people had to be satisfied with consuming opium for that little "extra something" to help them through the day. The first soda fountains were installed in America in the 1950s, when hanging around malt shops became a popular pastime for lazy baby-boomers. These fountains were simple, and besides being confined to interior locations, only spouted out lemonade and Vanilla Coke. It wasn't until last year that the 7-Eleven in Lodi, California, installed the first Coca-Cola fountain outside its Elmsway Avenue store. A poor filtering process and several health violations forced them to shut down the fountain a few short months later, but engineers finally developed a solution involving a combination of chlorination, fluoridation, and carbonation. The concept spread and now there are over 247 soda fountains outside of convenience stores throughout North America! Store owners and consumers are excited by the bubbly assortment of flavours and colours splashing brightly in front of their stores. "The key to [the fountains'] success is in the carbonation," stated Carl Telmond, senior marketing guru for the refreshment division of the 7-Eleven franchises. "If those fountains go flat, the customers will go back to bottles, and our profits will go down. People are attracted at first to the bright day-glow colours of Orange or the pink of Cream Soda, but colas are still the big seller. It doesn't seem quite right to be scooping out a cup of brown water and drinking it, though. That's why carbonation is so important. If the consumer can see the fizz of bubbles even as they draw out their cups they'll be hooked." The outdoor fountains are so hot various 7-Elevens in Las Vegas are vying for attention with the most outrageous designs, including replicas of the Trevi Fountain (Rome’s most spectacular with its Neptune statue), along with other famous European fountains. Soda fountains, while popular, do require constant maintenance. "I am constantly skimming out leaves, wrappers, and the occasional tree frog," said assistant manager Rupinder Singh. "And often I have to shoo away the kids who are fishing out the coins that people throw into the fountains. Don't they know that will bring them bad luck? We go through many filters to keep the fountain drinks as refreshing as possible." Changes of season create special problems for soda fountain maintenance. "Oh
yes, we must adjust the syrup flows much like the anti-freeze in your
car radiator," spouted off Rupinder. "But if it gets too cold,
we tell the customers it is now a Slurpee™ fountain, and charge them
an extra 10 cents per cup."
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| This fictional story about fountain drinks is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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