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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Growth is everything! With enough new members coming in, each one turning over their worldly possessions, you'll soon be swimming in pools filled with cold hard cash--all for the Good of the World and the Greater Glory of His Word as You interpret It. But your own community will hardly be large enough to absorb all the new arrivals you'll need for this Dream or Vision to become a Reality. You'll need to expand in other areas, other cities. How can you do this and still maintain the absolute authority you crave and that your organization demands? The answer comes, not surprisingly, from the world of fast food--franchising. With the proper set-up you will only have to maintain control over the "owners" of each franchise you allow to be established. I put "owners" in quotation marks because they will own nothing--you will own them! Let's look at a sample scenario. Suppose you are the Divine Inspiration and First Citizen of the Sons Of Divine Order and Majesty (SODOM), and that your cult is ready to expand into other cities. Ideally your organization has been around for a few years and has an established church and bunker with an effective recruiting team. It's also important that you have a successful sustainable revenue model--one that's not dependent only on donations from new recruits. One option open to SODOM would be to entrust one or several of your lieutenants to start up a new branch in another city. The advantage to this approach is that the people starting up the location are already familiar with the product and are firmly under your Iron Thumb of Absolute Authority. However, their will, having been absolutely crushed during their indoctrination, will no longer allow them to be flexible to deal with unexpected challenges. They will lack the charisma necessary to carry out Your Will. In a word, they will be insipid and weak leaders. You will find yourself spread thin supervising your staff, correcting their Errors and instilling the enthusiasm necessary in whatever recruits they manage to bring in. More importantly than this, however, is if the new location does not Take Root, if the Devil is too firmly entrenched in this Den of Iniquity, the parent organization will still have to pay the expenses of closing down shop and pulling out of the area. Contrast this to a franchise system where potential area leaders are recruited for their business acument and personal charisma. During special training sessions they are carefully inculcated into the Mysteries of Your Divine Revelation. The franchisees front the capital needed to build your organization, in fact they'll pay you a handsome fee for the privilege to do so. They will also give you an annual percentage from their haul. And you, of course, will own their souls entirely. They assume all the risks associated with developing an organization, allowing you to concentrate on what you do best--developing their inner wealth while they shed themselves of their worldly possessions. In the unfortunate event that the new location fails it is the franchisee who is left holding the bag--you just revoke his license for not paying the appropriate fees and walk away! The choice
is clear. When you're ready for expansion consider setting up a franchise
system.
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Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
