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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
This week we'll look at developing your own PDA with an unique operating system custom-tailored for your own needs. Impossible? Not by a long shot! Using a few items found in any household you'll be amazing your friends in no time. First, let's consider ergonomics. You'll want something sleek and sexy which means it should be able to be comfortably held in one hand and be black or perhaps a shiny metallic silver. In father's workshop you should be able to find a scrap of 1x3 lumber which can be sawed and sanded down to about 6 inches. Hopefully father will have the right colour of high-gloss paint too--otherwise you may have to paint it with primer and use your model paints for the final coat. Install a display screen that will fit inside your basic case. I recommend a colour screen, because that's where everyone is headed. I don't know about you, but I've found the buttons on commercially available PDAs to be far too small. Not only that, a really good device should always have a knob or two. Why not combine these two ideas and screw in one or two of those round glass fuses? Your PDA will have a chic retro look and the glass will contrast nicely with the black (or silver) paint. Ultra-cool. I used an old chopstick for a stylus, but you could use almost anything for this purpose: Tinker-Toy rods, an old pencil, or even a drinking straw hardened with lacquer. Be sure to drill a hole into your PDA to place the stylus! Wireless technology is where everything is going so don't forget some kind of mechanism for that. Commercial PDAs use infra-red, so why not go one better and use microwaves? You may have to wear the tin-foil covered helmet and a lead-lined groin cup for protection, but your long-distance reception will break records! In terms of processors and hardware you probably don't have the time to develop one from the ground up, so take an existing desktop system and reduce the essentials to an appropriate size. As an alternative, it's possible with a strong enough microwave system you can use your PDA as a sort of wireless thin client operating off a server located in your bedroom! You could create an entire wireless network with your friends and family operating off the same machine! I'll let you work out the regulatory details. The operating system is the soul of your new machine. Why settle for a commercial product? Design a custom OS using binary machine language, and while you're at it, incorporate your favourite applications and utilities directly inside for better performance! Don't be afraid to experiment. If your first attempt fails just remember it's only a chunk of wood. Give it to a child if it doesn't work out. Designing and building your own PDA and operating system will give you complete control. You'll get something that's exactly what you need--and at a price you can afford!
DISCLAIMER: Kent's column is intended for amusement purposes only.
Never tamper with microwave ovens, never brush your teeth with phosphoric
acid, and never use your personal teleporter when there's a housefly trapped
inside the pod with you. |
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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Kent
Fukuzura, Making Science Simple
