 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
DOWN SOUTH-- Billy Bob Childress, a mentally challenged individual, is showing that it is possible to live a normal life in the "outside world" even after spending the last twenty years in an institution. Billy Bob is an inspiration, proving that even the simplest of people can exist in society.
Billy Bob, whose age is estimated at about thirty, was originally institutionalized in 1982 after being afflicted with a brain disease that made him speak in a mock German accent. He spent ten years with a speech therapist working to correct it, but suffered a setback in 1991 when he was exposed to a Hogan's Heroes rerun on TBS. Billy Bob was eventually released from the state hospital in May of this year, and has been working hard on readjusting to society. "I reckon what you're a wanting to know is if I'm likely to start speakin' German again," stated Billy Bob in a slow deliberate voice. "Well, I don't reckon I got no reason to speak German to anyone so I guess that answers yer question." Billy Bob has been working at the local grocery as a clerk, and has also been fixing motorcycle engines in his spare time. He didn't have a place to stay when he first came to town, so he's been living in the walk-in refrigerator at the back of the grocery store. "I like fixing motorcycles," said Billy Bob, in between bites of his burrito. "I use a Philip's screwdriver alot. It's the one with the four points on it. Some folks call it a star-headed screwdriver. I call it a Philip's screwdriver. It's just a regular screwdriver with a handle and a long metal shaft. It's what people use to screw and unscrew metal screws and such." Some of the citizens are concerned that Billy Bob will slip back into his accent, confusing the townsfolk to no end. "I don't like him," said Dale Freemont, one of the local citizens. "It ain't my bidness, but I make it my bidness when some damned funny speakin' stranger thinks he can walk inta my town an' think he can take over the whole town that ain't his." Despite some of the criticisms from the locals, Billy Bob has been adapting. He has learned how money works, and has been spending his paycheques on Mexican food and Aquaman comic books. "Aquaman is a feller who lives underneath the oceans, mmm hmm," said Billy Bob. "He ain't like nobody I know. He breathes water and such. I can't breathe water, though I tried it once in the tub. Maybe if it was ocean water I could. He looks kinda funny with them tight stretchy pants--the kinda funny that way when a man looks at another man. I don't think that's right. I reckon though Aquaman is a good man, because he's always helping them fish. I don't think God would make a feller bad who could talk to fish." Billy Bob hopes to continue adjusting to society. He's even been offered a movie deal but really, he just wants to settle in with the normal folk. Billy Bob
had seven breakfast burritos yesterday...with hot mustard.
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
