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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BABY FOOD HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
RANDY'S SISTER'S HOUSE-- Baby food has to appeal not only to the baby, but also to the parent. Companies spend fortunes making sure their pureed products are not only nutritious but looks good and appetizing. Parents often sample the these foods themselves, swallowing a spoonful or two just to entice the infant to "open up."
Unfortunately, the smooth velvety texture can make even creamed cauliflower taste good, as Uncle Randy has discovered. Uncle Randy has a Pablum...errr, problem. It started innocently enough. Randy would do the choo-choo trick to get his four-month-old niece Susie to open her little mouth when attempting to spoon-feed her. He would demonstrate by opening his own mouth and taking a spoonful of strained prunes or whipped cucumber and pears. After doing that trick a few times, Randy realized that the mashed sludge "wasn't that bad." "I would never have thought of creaming asparagus with pears before," said Randy, "but it goes down real easy, and you know you're getting all the vitamins you needs." Randy soon began to eat it on his own. He said he was buying a few "extra jars" of Gerber just to have some on-hand whenever his sister needed him to babysit. But the food never stayed in the cupboard very long, because Randy would be into it himself. "Hey, if it's good enough for babies..." defended Randy, in between mouthfuls of liquefied oatmeal with applesauce. "*gulp*...sometimes it goes good with an Arrowroot biscuit." Randy is somewhat embarrassed by his baby food habit. He packs one or two jars in with his lunch, but removes the labels so that his co-workers don't notice. He tells them that it's pudding, or Ensure, and never lets on that he's eating strained turnips or mashed peas. He always has a plastic "spork" "There's nothing wrong with this stuff," said Randy, but he often disguises the food as jam, spreading mashed peaches and sweet potatoes onto a slice of bread, or combining peaches and applesauce into old yogurt containers. "I only wish it came in bigger containers. These jars are too small!" Dr. Tse-Ling Phan, a leading pediatric nutritionist explains why adults eat baby food: "It's
really quite simple," said Dr. Phan, who enjoys the odd can of pureed
liver from time to time. "Eating baby food allows us to regress into
the primal instincts of the infant and relive the simplicity of the id/Lacanian
'other' relationship, thus relieving pressure on the spleen and encouraging
the production of yellow bile. It's a perfectly normal and healthy response."
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| This story about baby food is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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