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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR DONUT HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
CITY DOUGHNUT SHOP-- All over the city, people are buying donuts for breakfast, for a treat at work, or perhaps for a coffee break. The fatty, sugary food is a comfort item for most people.
For others, donuts are more than a snack, they are an obsession, a craze that consumes their waking moments, as binges send them into sugar highs, followed by intense lows following withdrawal. Carolyn Lambert is one of the these growing numbers of donut junkies, people who spend all their money and energy on glazed or cream-filled confections. Carolyn (not her real name--it's actually Diane) confesses to popping Timbits by the dozens. She says for her it started as a child when her mother took her to the fair one summer and fed her "those little donuts", bite-sized, sugar-and-cinnamon coated treats. It wasn't long before Carolyn was on to honey-dips and then onto the serious donuts: footlongs, long-johns, and Boston creams. Coffee is often sold in conjunction with donuts. The coffee is just a means of getting the donuts eaten faster--a mechanism. Everyone knows that a dunked donut must be eaten quickly. The combination of coffee and caffeine make for a potent combination that can send the user on an emotional and mental buzz-ride for half an hour or more, depending on how much is consumed. Carolyn thinks she spends close to three or four hours a day in donut shops. She'll get her fix and then go outside and experience the world all hopped up. When she starts to come down she'll head to the next donut shop. Sometimes she washes down a donut with a "double double", which is basically a speedball of sugar, cream, and caffeine. There's no age limit for donuts, no maximum purchase. Anyone, even a small child, can go in and purchase a party pack (5 dozen donuts) without raising an eye. The donut-pushers don't care where the donuts are going to be consumed, or by whom. As long as they get their money, anyone can eat as much as they want. Donut junkies will do almost anything for a powdered-sugar fix. They'll crawl in for a cruller; they'll flip for a fritter, or they'll dance for a double chocolate dip. People like Carolyn need help, but no one is willing to acknowledge that there even is a donut problem. There are donut shops in every shopping centre and almost every block in most cities. Carolyn realizes
that she has a problem but feels helpless. There are no programs for donut
junkies. She and her type have been strung out by society like so many
candy sprinkles.
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| This story about donuts is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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