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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
My name is Frank Herschel. You probably remember me as Captain Electro--the number one heavy-weight criminal mastermind between 1971 and 1978. During my time on the top I made full use of sinister jazz and funk riffs to herald my introduction to the international stage. If it wasn't for that clumsy dog and those meddling kids we would all still be listening to them! Now that I've retired (for the third time) I'll help you fulfill your destiny--to take over the world. This week we'll look at the tonal setting you create whenever you are about to do something especially sinister or horribly evil. The image you portray to the helpless citizens and leaders of the free world is important. This is how you distinguish yourself from all the other evil-doers and fighters for freedom and justice. Part of your image is your costume and make-up, and part of it is your mannerisms, nervous tics and evil laugh. But another important element is the theme music that you have playing in the background as you make a dramatic entrance in the United World Congress with your Army of Robotic Androids announcing that you have seized control! Or, how about as you have suddenly turned on every tv-set and tuned every radio to your (live) broadcast demanding a ransom and the surrender of the keys to the city--you'll need something in the background to help signal your intentions, and induce the proper tone in your victims--a tone of fear and forboding. For those of you with a musical background, I would suggest something in a minor key--that's the 'sad' sound. You may want two or three themes: a dramatic flourish for entrances, a subtle, yet stirring, march to play in the background as you give a speech, and perhaps something else for those moments of personal anguish, when you fight with your personal demons. Pathos is a good word here. I remember the imperial august march of the Scarlet Dagger, an unforgettable score which instilled fear into the inhabitants of Tralor 9. If it weren't for the untimely intervention of the earth prodigy Chico Mendoza and the Salsa Seven, I'm sure the Tralorians would still be under cruel domination. In these cost-conscious times it's easy to skimp on what looks like non-essentials, and theme music would appear to rank behind proper weapons training to most people. However, hiring a decent composer is a one-time cost. You can use the same theme music over and over again, for years and years--until you need to do an image make-over. With the right torture devices you might even get some good material for next to nothing! Once you
have your music, make sure it's always playing whenever you make your
move. It will help create the perfect ambience and make the moment memorable
for everyone.
Captain Electro's Evil Archive
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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A
Step By Step Guide With Former Evil Genius Captain Electro
