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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR SCATALOGICAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
THE BACKYARD-- If you own a dog, treading through your own backyard can be as dangerous as dodging through a Bosnian minefield. And who wants to take the time to rid the yard of Lassie's land mines? Even Junior, especially Junior, dreads the task of removing Fido's fecal foulness from the lawn, finding fresh fables to face different functions instead.
Not so for little Billy Compton. The young beagle biscuit entrepreneur has come up with a way to lovingly excavate excrement from your luscious lawn. Billy enjoys pushing puppy plop-plops so much he hires himself out to the neighbours for two bucks a turd or $10 a yard, earning more in an afternoon than most kids his age earn in a month--unless they're child actors or they've been sold into the sex trade. Billy's secret is a radio-controlled poop-plow that allows him to keep his distance while ridding the grass of unwanted canine coils. Not only is it hygienically practical, it's also fun! "It's kind of neat," said Billy, nine. "But I didn't think I'd have a shitty job until I was a teenager." Billy made the poop-plow from several Lego Mindstorms kits, along with salvaged parts from broken Radio Shack toys. The plow itself has been given a Teflon coating (for obvious reasons). Billy's usual method is to push the poop into a pile in the corner of the yard where it's a simple, if stomach-turning, task to quickly toss Lucky's logs into a plastic bag. Often, any boys in the house will offer to help round up the turds, and sometimes even the man of the house will go out of his way to offer to help scoop the sheltie shit sheltered in a tight corner. Billy's parents are pleased with their son's inventiveness. "Hey, it means one less crappy job for me," said Billy's dad, called Dad. "We tried a number of different tricks with our dog, including doggie diapers, but you still have to change those, and frankly, because you're usually inside where there's less air circulating, it's even grosser than scraping Scruffy's scatterings off the grass. If little Billy wants to spend his Saturdays shoveling shit that's fine with me. He's learning some good entrepreneurship or something." Billy has
already started building another remote-controlled vehicle which he hopes
to add to his fecal-freeing fleet--a pooper scooper which he is tentatively
calling the "crap crane."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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