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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR GARGOYLE HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
SAN DIEGO-- The San Diego zoo, famous for its exotic collections of animals, has opened an exhibit of almost mythical proportions. The zoo has acquired what is believed to be the first troupe of European stone gargoyles in North America for public display.
"We're very pleased with this acquisition," said Rupert Miles, assistant zookeeper. "Finally our zoo can compete with the cathedrals of France and Italy for precious tourism dollars. Sure there are North American varieties, and I believe there is a zoo in Brazil with a fine selection of native species, but nothing says 'gargoyle' quite like the beloved horrid little creatures typified on European medieval, baroque and roccocco architecture." "These gargoyles are surprisingly easy to maintain," continued Rupert. "They're relatively dormant during the day, and there's very little to clean in their habitat. We've had them for a month, and they seem to like staying in the same spots." "Of course, seagull shit is always problematic, but we hose them down every day...and the gargoyles too." The gargoyles, which arrived last month from Romania, were given an open enclosure, with a concrete barrier on the side open to the public. Most people describe them as "immobile" and "rooted." Some confessed that their fierce features looked as if they were carved from stone. "I haven't actually seen them move yet, but I'm finished my shift at four in the afternoon," said Rupert. "But once, when I walked past, I think one of them winked at me. Mind you, it was a hot day, so who knows?"
"I think their wings are kind of like chicken wings," said Miles, "You know, for show and not for flying. I mean, if they could fly, you'd think they'd try to escape. But they seem content just to remain where they are." The zoo's curator Melvin Nightcastle, explains their nocturnal behaviours: "Well, you see, your European gargoyle is a night creature, and reverts to an almost stone-like condition during the daytime--very much like desert reptiles. It's surprising how little we know about these creatures. It's very likely that their bodies must conserve energy during the day, like the gila monster, or the Canadian prairie seal. Everyone is very excited about these fantastically grotesque beasts, and we hope to be able to open the zoo for evening hours soon, so that we can all see the gargoyles in their normal, active state." With nature--and luck--the zoo hopes someday to be able to get the gargoyles to mate, but officials are still learning the physiology of these unusual foreign creatures. "To be honest, we're not sure what they eat, drink, or do for fun," said Melvin. "So far we've let them have their privacy. Yah, they're hideous, but that sort of thing attracts customers--especially Catholics." "And
from what I've heard, these are almost creatures of legend," he said,
before walking over to see the griffin pens.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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Three
species of gargoyles make up the exhibit. And although two of the gargoyles
have wings, the zoo is not concerned that they will fly away to roost
on an apartment or office building downtown.
