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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR POLITICAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
ALASKA-YUKON BORDER-- Tempers are nearing the boiling point along the 141st Meridian, the line that divides the Federation of Alaska from the Independent Territory of the Yukon. The Alaskans and the Yukonites still distrust one another, owing to years of petty skirmishing in the cold northern region. Negotiations for peace have cooled off, and now all talks are frozen.
There is no warmth between these two nations. They are still arguing over a disputed breach in the Klondike Treaty, a regrettable incident that occurred many years ago. "It'll be a cold day in hell--which still wouldn't be as cold as it is up here--before we apologize to the Alaskans," said General Jacques Tremblay, commander-in-chief of the Yukon army with an icy glare. "Those cold-blooded bastards better tread carefully because they're already on thin ice." "That was a cold thing for [General Tremblay] to say. The Yukonites couldn't pry a written apology from my cold dead hands," coolly replied General Harold T. Whitewater, chief of the Alaskan Military Command. "And they couldn't pry them from my cold live hands either." Dubbed "The Really Cold War" in 1966, the two sides have been biting at each other's frost-bitten heels for 36 years. While the dispute is not expected to escalate into an actual military conflict, there is concern about a potential nuclear winter--although neither country has nuclear capabilities, and up there, it is always winter. They are battling more over wounded pride than anything else. "The whole conflict has been snowballing for years," said Dave Skaggit, a political analyst for the Ketchikan Kodiak Review. "It would have reached the melting point a long time ago, were there any possibility of anything melting." The last negotiations were heated, but the meeting place was not, and the two sides did agree that warmer facilities would be required next time. The only thing that came out of the meetings was an arms freeze, but that was because one negotiator forgot to wear a sweater. Both sides still facing the cold prospect of war. The next
scheduled talks will be in Skagway, where both sides will try to avoid
skating around the important issues, unless they attempt to solve their
differences with a hockey game.
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