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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BUSINESS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
DOWNTOWN-- Today's capital investments are tomorrow's stories of success, according to the directors of Spacely Sprockets Inc. The businessmen of the future are excited about the near-completion of their state-of-the-art building. Some are hailing the futuristic facilities, describing them as "way ahead of our time."
The out-of-this-world building boasts a fusion-powered generator that could power an entire city, as it exists now, landing decks on the roof for employees' personal helicopters, and innovative new travel tubes--no outdated elevators here--, personnel vacuum transporters that literally suck a person right up to their office. Spacely Sprockets will have a staff of close to 1,400 workers. They claim that most of the administrative staff will be robots on wheels. Cosmo Spacely, president of Spacely Sprockets, is pleased with progress of the new facilities, although he would have preferred the first design, which called for the building to be raised three hundred feet up in the air, supported by reinforced poles. "I guess city planners just aren't ready for elevated cities yet," shrugged Mr. Spacely. "Hopefully when we expand they'll see the wisdom of having the space freighter docking bays under the building instead of along the sides like we had to do with this one." "And I'm not sure how they expect commuters to get from the air-trains to the building," he continued. "Do they think they'll just drop from the sky? They'll need to put jets on to get to work!" Despite some of the technological limitations of the twenty-first century, Mr. Spacely is still proud of the building's "retro" design. "All of our offices are equipped with the latest comforts: adjustable gravity, holographic screens, and fully robotic cleaning systems," said Mr. Spacely, obviously a man with a sense of humour. "I came back 'in time' to see to the final touches." Mr. Spacely claimed that he needed to gain an advantage over a competitor, Cogswell Cogs, a company that he "foresees" will be a problem in the future. When asked
if he knew what the future held for Spacely Sprockets, Mr. Spacely simply
replied: "Yes."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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