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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR WHALING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE LAKE--There's nothing more enjoyable than a long-weekend spent up at the lake. Canadians appreciate any chance they can get to leave the pressures of the city behind, and spend time outdoors camping and enjoying water sports. It's an ideal vacation. Some of the best fun is whaling, a popular recreational activity that has been making a big splash.
Sport whaling is much more eco-friendly than pollution-causing Jet-Ski's, noise-screeching Sea-Doo's, and the wave-making disturbances of other traditional gas-powered watercraft. Whales are quiet, easy to maintain, and they have little impact on the environment, aside from minor depletions of lake fish stocks. The most popular sport mammal is the killer whale, or orca, the fastest of all the species. "Killer whales aren't native to fresh-water lakes, but hell, they're happy to be out of the sea," said Barry Kelp, owner of Barnacle Barry's Saltwater Marine Mammal Sales and Rentals. "The saltwater is irritating on their eyes, and the salt-grit chafes under their fins. You know, the killer whale is actually just a big honking dolphin, but most people don't know that, and really it doesn't matter." Barry says that the cost of krill and other whale food is equivalent to that of a speedboat's gasoline and maintenance costs, making whaling a reasonable leisure pastime. Are the whales being treated humanely? Some groups disagree with the activity, spouting off "that we have no right to confine the whales." "Hey, these whales are free to swim off any time they want to, if they ever wanted to," Barry replied. "There's nothing keeping them in those lakes."
Barry and other whaling enthusiasts think that Greenpeace and others are blowholing it out of proportion. "There's always someone blubbering about the humanity issues," said Christy Marx, an avid sport-whaler. "These whales love the attention and affection. It's all good fun. Those whale huggers can go blow it out their own hole." Despite the controversy, whales are still a great choice for water fun. Whales are easy to maintain and can be transported from lake to lake with modified boat trailers. "It's not like a boat--where you have to do all the work," said Christy. "With the killer whale all you need is a bucket of herring. They'll wiggle themselves into place for a treat like that. And you don't have to worry about milfoil or those other weeds that choke up lakes. That stuff slides off the animal's back when they're pulled out of the water and onto the trailer." The government's only requirement for sport whaling is a simple license--if the whale is over 6 metres (18 feet) long (that's from tip to tail). A boating safety course is recommended, but not mandatory. "I got
a pod for the whole family, and a porpoise for young Susie," said
Paul Levinson, a recreational sport whaler. "We're going up to Lake
Okanagan this weekend to splash it up. And yes, we do expect to have a
'whale of a good time'."
Archived Stories - Watch For Sasquatch On Road - Ski Season In B.C. Sends Gnomes Packing - Canadian Hinterland: The Baffin
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| This fictional story about whaling is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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