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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
BREMERTON, WA-- The Old Sailor's Mall in seaside Bremerton has been struggling to keep afloat. The seaside mall has been a popular destination shopping centre for local mariners for over thirty years, but lately business has been a little stormy. Mall management has taken a new course however, and is promising that the winds of fortune will soon change, before the stores are blown against the rocks of financial ruin.
Sam "Salty" Wagner is the crusty old manager of the aging shopping center. Worried about the future of his mall, Sam decided to meet with a business consultant to find ways of improving business. "I talked to a retail marketing analyst," said Sam, "and he said that it's important for malls to have anchor stores, major retailers that bring in business. These anchor stores are a stabilizing factor, like a ballast...or something heavy that you'd tie to a chain." Sam took the advice and negotiated a lease with "Captain" Carl Stern, owner of Captain Carl's World O' Anchors, a successful anchor chain. (Carl has stores in Blaine, Bellingham, Bellevue, Bothell, and Nanaimo, British Columbia.) "I thought we were sunk--that is, until Carl's store opened," admitted Sam. "But since that day, we've been three sheets to the wind. Carl has already made a big splash in our community and I believe his anchor store has kept business from drifting away. His rock-bottom prices are hooking scores of new customers to our fair-weather mall." Carl isn't surprised that the mall is doing better now. He understands how the winds of change can affect business. "Being the anchor store of a major retail location isn't always smooth sailing," admitted Carl. "It's a weighty responsibility. You have to be able to weather times of economic uncertainty, and keep yourself tethered with a stable business plan. I remember what happened to 'The Heaving Chest', 'Anchors Away', 'Capstan Kirk's', and 'Bristol Bob's Anchor Warehouse'; they were in over their heads. I've manage to endure, despite the heavy competition." Sure I made some waves when I started out," said Carl. "People didn't think I could stay above water, but I didn't let it weigh me down. I knew it would be sink or swim, but I kept an even keel and made sure the company was on a solid footing. Now, I've set myself down somewhere I stay--a safe haven of sorts." Sam and his wife Gale are pleased with the direction the Old Sailor's Mall has taken. "We were just drifting along with the current before," said Sam. "Now I feel we're once again solidly moored in the community." The mall is having
a huge sail this weekend.
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| This fictional story about anchor stores is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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