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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
The first thing to do is examine your trailer carefully for the perfect spot. The living room is an obvious choice, but you may end up having to move the TV or that old chair that your brother Ed gave you. Make sure there aren't any wooden book cases or oily rag collections near by, or your whole trailer could go up in flames--and then what would you do, huh? Another possibility is to put the fireplace in the bedroom--if you have a separate bedroom--for those romantic evenings. The missus will love your thoughtfulness, and it could be just the thing to "spark" up your love-life! Once you've got your site worked out, get one of those steel oil barrels youv'e been using as a saw horse and clean out the water, mud and barbage that's been building up these past 30 years. Bring it inside and hold it against the ceiling, just above your fireplace site. Drop the barrel down--your fireplace is set! There should be an oily ring of dirt on the ceiling straight above it. This is where you'll cut your chimney. Cut out the ceiling and roof using a sabre saw, or, if you can't get your hands on one, a chainsaw. You'll want something to keep the rain from coming in, so bend that front quarter panel of the 1978 Ford truck you still have lying around on blocks into a tent shape and nail it to the roof using solid 3 inch nails. Galvanized nails are best because they don't rust, but if you pound in enough nails it ain't gonna matter what kind you're using. You don't have to use the Ford quarter panel. Just about any material will do, from old paving blocks to cedar shingles, but if it's flammable you'll have to replace it more often. Back inside, you can build up the height of your fire by putting bricks in the bottom of the barrel. Try customizing your fireplace by punching holes (use an extra nail and hammer) in a decorative pattern around the top third of the barrel. You'll have a special lighting effect once you have a fire roaring inside. You can also use your fireplace as a barbeque by simply putting a grill on top. As a final touch you can put some sheep skins around the outside of the barrel. Now you're all set for romantic fireside dinners or carousing song-filled evenings. Enjoy!
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