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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR FERAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
SOUTH CENTRAL PARK-- In the depths of the city's heavily-forested park, many young males live their existence in a tameless fashion. Cast off by society, feral boys--young men with more animal instincts than human--live like savages just outside of the boundaries of civilization. These juvenile jungle-types roam along the pathways, scrounging from overturned garbage cans and preying on the unfortunate park visitors who wander through the woods at night.
The park has always been a popular place to abandon children. For years desperate parents have been disposing of their unwanted offspring, knowing that their actions could upset the delicate balance of nature. Many of these forsaken forest tykes are raised by wild animals--squirrels, chipmunks, and rabbits mostly--and end up roaming the park, menacing joggers and performing tricks for seniors to acquire food. Dr. Mohamed Sabhin from the University of British Columbia has been studying the feral boys in their native park habitats for five years. "I feel that after several years of observation and non-intrusive behaviour several of them have accepted me as part of the landscape," said Dr. Sabhin, who spent many cold nights watching the feral boys from behind a duckblind. "I have had the opportunity to observe their movements, undisturbed, and have concluded that despite their rough teenage looks, and their heavy metal t-shirts, they are not as menacing as they appear." "One of the stereo-types we have of the feral boy is that they enjoy playing cowboys and indians and dress in pajamas," said Dr. Sabhin. "It's a result of watching Peter Pan too many times. The modern feral boy does indeed enjoy baggy trousers, but insists on having many pockets to put treasures in. Instead of a hatchet, they prefer a skateboard." One of Dr. Sabhin's favourite residents is 'Gord', a young park-dweller estimated at about twenty years of age. "It's hard to tell exactly how old they are," he said. "Their ID, if they even have any, is usually fake. Gord's, for example, states that he is a 57-year-old black woman named 'Loretta'. We are almost certain is untrue," said Dr. Sabhin, giving a playful tug on Gord's long dreadlocks. "Me wild and untamable," grunted Gord. "Don't try to box me in, man." Although many of the park's residents are genuine feral boys, Dr. Sabhin feels that some of the young men people encounter are really just homeless individuals who choose to live in the park. Feral boys are often confused with rebellious teenagers because of their grunting and incomprehensible speech. "Oh, they try to look menacing, crouching and raising their 'hackles' to passers-by," said Dr. Sabhin. "But it's an act, one they find more successful for fund-raising than traditional panhandling." Dr. Sabhin
concluded that neither the feral boys nor the homeless teens were a threat
to humans, and that the rabid appearances were only the result of consuming
carbonated beverages and discarded lattés.
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