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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR LAVA LAMP HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
IN THE BASEMENT-- Kevin Dupuis has always been fascinated by lava lamps, those gooey, globular glow lights that have been melting people's minds for decades. The popular novelty lamp has lately enjoyed a resurgence in sales, leading Kevin to think there must be room for some competition.
"These things can't be that hard to make," said Kevin, who claims to have invented peanut butter slices, the flameless lighter, and a perpetual motion food processor. "There already are a few knock-offs out there, like the 'Groove Tube', and 'Mr. Magma', and at these low prices, the production can't be expensive at all. I figure I can cash-in on a 'locally-made' product." Having retreated into his basement, Kevin has been hard at work to create a 'home-grown' lava lamp using commercially-available lava rocks meant for propane barbeques. "The biggest snag I've hit so far is how to heat up the oil high enough to melt the lava," said Kevin. "A regular 60-watt light bulb just doesn't cut it, even if I leave it on overnight. I'm thinking I may have to get a special heat lamp, like the ones they use to keep baby chicks warm. Do you think that'll create molten rock?" Kevin's first prototype is still sitting on his work bench. "It was a valuable learning experience," said Kevin, patting the glass tube filled with 10W-30 motor oil and noticing several brownish lumps of slag sitting on the bottom. "I think I'll keep it in case a museum wants it someday." Kevin is confident that he'll be able to crack the secret that allows molten lava to bubble up inside a lit tube, creating those fantastic shapes. Other companies have succeeded in creating funky lamp products, so he should be able to also. "I've already figured out that the glass must be tempered," said Kevin, "or else it would likely melt along with the lava rocks. That would be a mess." Kevin has considered purchasing a lava lamp to try and discover its secrets, but thought that would take away from the competitive spirit. "I want to figure it out on my own," said Kevin. As soon as
Kevin figures out the secret of lava lamps, he plans on discovering the
mystery behind Pop Rocks, the kinetic candy treat.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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