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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BOWLING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
IN A DARK ALLEY-- The streets of Smalltown U.S.A. were once a place where residents could travel in peace. But now the simple city folk are being bowled about by misguided youths. While well-lit avenues and populated streets are still relatively safe, the alleys and lanes have been taken over by notorious bowling gangs--gangs who might strike at any time.
Bowling gang members will show their allegiance by wearing their "colours" usually the same bright polyester shirts with their "gang" names stitched on the outside. Names are often short, like "Bud" or "Joe", but some names are more complex like "Curly" or "Moe". Each gang jealously protects its territory, usually only a couple of blocks and the few lanes in between. "These gangs remind me of a cross between Kingpin and West Side Story," said one anonymous resident. "The police keep trying to knock them down, but they just set up again." Gangs have their own street language, often uninterpretable to the non-initiated. "Its more gutter-talk than slang," said Edith Potweiler, social worker. "I never feel they're shooting straight with me. I often feel I'm part of a frame-up whenever I try to talk to groups of five or ten of them." The bowling gangs are a real threat to the alleys and lanes of Smalltown. Many of those who cross the bowlers end up on the street, or in the gutter. "Someone needs to do something about these pinheads," demanded Rachel Lindquist, a concerned Smalltown citizen. "We can put a man on the moon but we can't walk in our regular shoes in an alley. It's crazy." The police have struck-out so far. "I wish we had the resources to patrol every shadowy lane and darkened corner," said Lionel Brunswick, Police Chief. "But the truth," admitted Brunswick, "is that we just don't have anyone to spare." Police have tried to react to disturbances, but by the time they arrive, the bowling gang members have already split. "We're dealing with these gang members the same way we would with any other criminal element," added Brunswick. "The same three-strike rule applies." Smalltown city council has taken a hard stand on gangs, but the community is looking for stronger measures. "If
something isn't done soon I'm going to get my broom and curl their stones
off the sheet, and out of the rink," said Rachel Lindquist, who couldn't
come up with any more bowling puns.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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