 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR PILOT WHALE HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
PACIFIC COAST-- The auto-pilot whale, the so-called "safe-driver" of the sea, is finding itself parked on beach shores along the coasts of British Columbia, Washington, and Oregon. Marine biologists suspect that their oceanic course-plotting systems are being disrupted, causing the oversized dolphins to run aground.
The auto-pilot whale is a cousin to the pacific white dolphin, and migrates annually between the Pacific waters of Alaska and Chile. Although perceived to be the smartest mammal of the sea, the auto-pilot whale often finds itself inadvertently parked on shoals, reefs, and flats. At first scientists guessed that radio waves were causing interference with the whales' natural guidance systems, but many suspect that the whales could be the cause of their own navigational problems. "I don't think they're paying attention," suggested Dr. Martin Campbell, marine scientist. "It's like these whales are leaving it in cruise control--like retired couples in motor homes. Before they know it, they've smacked into the first chunk of land that gets in their way." Auto-pilot whales have beached themselves several times since 1999, but most have been rescued and returned to the sea. "You'd think that auto-pilot whales would know where the hell they're going." said Whitey Coal, herring fisherman. "These whales have sonar, they they built-in navigation, and they have rudder control. These whales practically drive themselves--and maybe that's the problem." "They're swimming along one minute, on a steady course, and the next, they're kissing sand," continued Whitey. "It's like watching fifty Exxon Valdez's crash onto the rocks at the same time." Canadian and American governments are looking for solutions that will help protect the apparently attention-deficited mammals. Some are suggesting that giants nets or breakwaters could be placed in shallow waters near likely beaching areas, preventing the whales from grounding themselves. Others think that the whales should take care of themselves. "Look,
if Flipper can't keep his pale porpoise-ass in the water, maybe he should
let someone else drive the pod," suggested Whitey.
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| Tell us what you thought. Recommend this article. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
