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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Oh course I must reject your invitiation. It would be far so unfair of me to show up, and suffer your guests by showing off my youth and beautiful looks, while all the rest of you are thinking of the pity to be married for such the long time, and to be sleeping in the same bed, and have the caresses of just one man for a quarter of a century! No, no my dear, I do not think any the less of you, just because you have been trapped in your simple life with your mortgage, your collar of blue husband, and your very loud children. I think it is so admirable of you to throw your life away for such a cause of simple happiness, without the excitement. I know you are much stronger the woman than I could be, for I could never make the great sacrifice. Instead I must continue my life of the diva--without the stretch-marks of childbirth or being seen in the morning by a man without make-up--forever travelling the world, and spending each of my nights in a different hotel, chateau, or spa. It is far better that I appreciate you this way, without needing to upset your middle-class friends and family. I would only stand out that much more from them with my tales of worldy adventure, and status of celebrity. No, my dear,
you are to be congratulated, and I raise my glass of champagne from the
deck of the Baron's yacht to you, and I hope that you and your continue
to enjoy the fishing trips and the video rentals, and all the other common
activities that have kept you together for such the eternity.
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Advice from Helena Aunde-Bague
