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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR DRUG NEEDLE HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
IN THE SEEDY PART OF TOWN-- Cashing in on the success of bottle and container recycling depots, needle exchanges are springing up all over town. A heightened awareness of conservation and an appreciation of the value of reusing containers has led to major needle manufacturers offering deposits on their products.
The Needle Exchange on Rabble Street is a great place to go to exchange dirty old drug needles for cash. "I give the kids $2 for each used syringe they bring in. The lure of money is very addicting to these young folk who scour the neighbourhoods picking up discarded drug needles from playgrounds, parks, and alleys," said Willy Bethune, manager of the innovative syringe return shop. "Some people say the syringes can be dangerous," continued Willy. "But I just tell 'em to be careful of the pointy end. It's no different than the sharp opening on a soda can...except for the occasional prick of hepatitis...but that's pretty rare." Willy knew his business concept was sound, but was still surprised at how quickly people responded to the idea of recycling drug paraphernalia for cash. "Some of them come in here with a shopping bag full [of needles]. I don't know where they're getting them all--maybe their parents are helping them out, or they're rummaging through hospital dumpsters. Whatever it is, it's great for the community and the environment. And once these kids see their first few dollars, they're hooked." "Finding needles can be hard," said 12-year-old Samantha (Sam) Klesmer. "It's like...finding a needle in a real dirty, drug-infested haystack. But I try to go to the park first thing Sunday morning, or the day after the welfare checks come out. Last month I earned enough money for a new MP3 player!" 10-year-old Lance Boyles doesn't have the good luck of Samantha. "Maybe the heroin addicts in her neighbourhood are rich and can afford to discard needles after one use," he said. "Where I live they all share the same rusty needle. I'm lucky to find two or three in a week--and they usually have bloody pus all over the end. It's kind of gross, but two bucks is two bucks. And it's no worse than finding a dead slug in a pop bottle." Willy Bethune's business is injecting a little bit of much-needed revenue into the local economy. "This is one of the poorer areas of the province," pointed out Richard Giddle, city mayor. "Mr. Bethune's store is a great way to clean up the neighbourhood, and it gives the homeless people a little bit of cash that they can use towards...oh, let's say another needle." Willy is so pleased
with the success of The Needle Exchange that he's considering opening
up a recycling shop for used condoms.
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