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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR SPARKLING WINE HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
WINE COUNTRY-- Vintners and connoisseurs are excited by the latest revolution in sparkling wines. Although there have been occasional selections over the years, it is only with the perfection of cold-fusion technology in the last decade that sparkling wines can be produced with any guarantee of consistency. Everyone is excited by the lightness of body and illuminating palate produced by these delightful new stocks.
Like ice wines, a limited and expensive process limits consumption to glitzy upper-class snobs wanting to make a statement alongside their Lincoln Navigators and pate fois gras. The price tag does not deter true connoisseurs, however. "It may be pricey, but it's like bottled sunshine!" said Pierre Levigne, an amateur wine collector and taster. "Most people think 'champagne' when they talk about a light effervescent wine, but that stuff is like pouring molten lead down your throat compared to this." Like liquid diamonds, sparkling wines glitter with an inner light born of a complex process of fermenting the grapes in a special cold-fusion process, and with an added hint of cesium. The glare may be too strong for many, but the alcohol is not. "Sparkling wines tend to the lighter end of the alcohol spectrum," said Auguste Pichot, who owns and operates several sparkling vineyards. "Like a good 'green' wine, but without the sappy bitterness of not being matured long enough." "Most people confuse champagne and sparkling wine," continued Auguste. "They both serve the same function in a social setting. However, champagne is dull, like a cloudy day. It has no lustre or shine, and often has to be cut down with orange juice for breakfast bellinis. You wouldn't dream of doing that with a sparkling wine. It's hard to understand how champagne became so popular. I think it is the same phenomenon that has made Corona beer so popular."
"Oh sure, the bubbles are great, but for some real luminescence you have to try a good French Etinceler or Italian Scintillare," said Auguste. Popularity of sparkling wines is growing, perhaps because it stands out on the shelves, outshining other brands. Sparkling wine drinkers can often be identified by their sunglasses and sunny dispositions, knowing that they've captured heaven in a bottle. "The
neat thing about having a bottle or two in the cellar is I no longer have
to worry about the light bulb burning out," said Pierre Levigne.
"Not to mention those romantic candle-lit dinners--no more candles!"
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