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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR STAR TREK KLINGON HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE MALL-- Is there honour to be won in the law courts of Man? The Klingons think so, because in an aggressive marketing move, a prominent Klingon law firm has opened a high-profile location near the corner of a suburban human mall. Lawyers at Kang & Company Law Practice hope to cash-in on walk-in traffic looking for quick settlements of legal disputes.
"We fill fight to regain the honour our clients have lost," said Gorkon, partner in the firm. "These weak spineless humans let themselves be walked all over. We will help them, and gain honour and rewards for ourselves." Gorkon, who battled for years to get his law degree, believes that their openly aggressive tactics have helped the Klingons to win many cases--often before they reach the courts. He cites the case of a certain John Smith who was charged with speeding and reckless driving. Charges were dropped after Kang lawyers challenged the cowardly prosecuting attorney to a Dk' tahg duel. "We will not rest until your name has been restored," said Kahlest, another partner pounding the table with his fist. "May the blood of my forefathers be the testimony to my Blood Oath." Kang and Co. have had some difficulty adapting to human law, but to their credit, they have kept the amount of bloodshed to a minimum.
"When one of our clients admitted his guilt to us we told him he was being a coward, and that he should take full responsibility for his dishonour," said Kahlest. "There was no need to go to court. We even performed a discommendation ceremony, and then kicked him out of our offices, spitting at his disgrace." The Kang partners' legal successes are being sung throughout the court system, and they hope many tales of their victories will be told to future generations. "We are passionate about practicing law, said Gorkon. "Although we would prefer to be fighting for the glory of our people, we do find satisfaction on the battlefields of justice. Our lawyers are the true warriors of jurisprudence and legal science." Human lawyers are intimidated by the powerful presence of the Klingons. The advantage is useful for the armed defenders of justice, who carry batleths more often than briefcases. "Our only real enemies are the weak cowards of the legal system," added Gorkon. "Our weapons are those of legal precedent. Let those who oppose us shudder in fear. May you be worthy of our council." "We
have lost only one case," said Kahlest. "It was old Sarpek,
a mighty warrior in his time, but weakened with age. When he realized
that he could no longer strike fear in his enemies, only pity, he committed
Hegh`bat, the ritualized suicide. It was the honourable thing to do."
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