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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR WHEAT POOL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
LOWER MIDDLE CANADA-- The people of the prairies appreciate the same summer pastimes as the rest of Canadians. They enjoy sun-tanning, cow-tipping, and swimming. But because extreme summer temperatures evaporate the water out of normal swimming pools, residents of Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba must resort to wheat pools for their aquatic enjoyment.
Wheat pools are a common site in these provinces--both the above-ground and in-ground types. Prairie Canadians refresh themselves in the tall stalks of grain, splashing, swimming, or just lazing about the surface on a tractor tire. There are several advantages a wheat pool has over a traditional water pool. For people on a budget, only an occasional rainfall is necessary to maintain a healthy, natural-looking pool. And the wheat harvested at the end of the swimming season can be sold to the mill for flour, recovering some of the costs for its operation. Of course, the larger public pools require a little more maintenance. Wheat softeners are added to keep chafing to a minimum and chlorine-like agents are sometimes needed to prevent Leaf Rust, Septoria Avenae Blotch, or pests such as wheat worm, and the Mid-Western grain beetle. "We're still trying to come up with something to keep the tykes from peeing in the shallow end," said Edsel Haynes, custodian at the Hepburn Community Wheat Pool. "We might just fill one small corner with sand, or floor-dry." Wheat pools can have all the diversions of water-filled pools, like slides, diving boards, and high-jumps, but they also have one activity that is unique to them: the grain elevator. Kids love sitting at the top of a silo that releases grain into the pool below with a big splash. It's fairly easy to maintain a wheat pool, but the stalks can grow out of control. "We've got a wheat pool guy who comes by every two weeks to scythe the pool," added Edsel. "A small town like this can't afford one of those combines that keeps the wheat pool freshly threshed." Wheat is the most popular grain, but is only one of several cereal grasses that can be used to fill a pool. Barley, flax, triticale, and oats are also great sources. Rice is also acceptable, but not recommended, because it's always getting into people's eyes. "Our neighbours are always swimming in rye," said Mathilda Everts, a regular at the community pool. "Oh, but they don't own a pool...they're just heavy drinkers." Mathilda
uses the pool every day. "I do a few laps every morning before work,
just for the exercise," said Mathilda Everts. "And for a better
workout, I swim against the grain."
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