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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR POLITICAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
British Columbia-- BC residents aren't complaining much about the absence of beef from their diets. That's fine, because there are plenty of other meats to fill their plates, including fish, fowl, and wild game. The beef shortage in Canada's pacific province is just another reason to choose healthier alternatives.
Steaks have always been a luxury, but to the western Canadians, even hamburger is as fancy as a tenderloin. Eating beef in BC is far too expensive for even the middle class. Because of the lack of grazing land, cows have no room to pasture. British Columbia is 95% forests, and the cost of treecutting and clearing outweighs the profitability of cattle farming. Alberta beef is plentiful, but nearly impossible to import. The Rocky Mountains separate British Columbia from its provincial next-door neighbour, and the mountain range is nearly impassable, except for one treacherous pass owned by a private company that charges hefty tolls for its use. And the neighbour to the south, Washington State, because of the Free Trade Agreement, adds outrageous tariffs to protect their agricultural industry. Combine that with the value of the Canadian dollar, and beef is unaffordable. British Columbians don't mind the lack of beef. Because of their huge fishing industry, seafood is plentiful, and provides for a great variety of culinary delights. And soy imports from the Far East provide a reasonable substitute for beef in the form of tofu and other imitation protein products. "I enjoy the McTuna and the McSockeye," said one BC resident, commenting on the availability of fish-style sandwiches at local fast food eateries. "I once ordered a Big Mac, but that was an extravagance. With fries and a Coke, it came to over $40!" British Columbian scientists have also engineered cow DNA into one species of salmon to create an interesting beef-like alternative. The genetically-altered fish tastes like beef, but is leaner, and higher in iodine. Salmon farms are springing up along the BC coast, and salmon steaks are becoming a popular choice for diners. "What
with all the concern over mad cow disease, really mad cow disease, and
extremely pissed-off cow disease, I'm happy to find other meat choices,"
said Martha McMillan, mother of three. "We were eating the meat of
trapped animals--mink, beaver, and chinchilla, but then the kids got on
our backs about supporting leg-hold traps. And I'm just not ready to go
vegetarian--they're hard to catch, and I think cannibalism is still illegal
except in some of those small mining towns."
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