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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR MARY JANE HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT HOME-- Stephen Reiter had never been that close with his father, but he knows he's no dope. Benjamin (Ben) Reiter was always away on business trips when Stephen was growing up, missing ball games, concert recitals, and cub scout events. Stephen and his dad grew further apart each passing year, until they were like strangers living in the same house. They would exchange banal pleasantries but feel a vague discomfort when the other was in the room. Christmas and birthday gifts were generic and without much thought: gift certificates, razors, an occasional best-selling novel.
It seemed unlikely that with all the distance and awkward silence between them there was any chance of forming a bond. It was almost by accident that the two Reiter men discovered that they shared at least one 'token' interest. "I caught dad on the patio puffing away," said Stephen. "It was after supper, and I guess he thought everyone had disappeared for the evening. He was breathing really hard after a long jog. I was never into jogging. It's too hard on the knee joints. Anyway, he just looked at me surprised, put away his pin, his lapel pin, and went back into the kitchen." "Until then, I never knew dad liked to 'take in the air'," said Stephen. "I thought I was the only Reiter man who 'inhaled life' outdoors." A few days later Ben caught Stephen on his way to work. "I saw Stephen in the driveway, and he was smoking," said Ben. "I'd never seen him shoot so many baskets in a row. He was on fire. I had been thinking about taking that hoop off the carport, but after seeing that 'spark' of interest I think I'll keep it up a bit longer. Stephen saw me looking at the play. He had this sheepish smile. He knew. I knew. We didn't have to say anything." Ben and Stephen never played hoops together when Stephen was growing up, and they weren't about to start. "We both like a little 'creative time'," said Stephen. "But I guess we get into our own heads. I'm into writing, but dad's never picked up a pen in his life. He likes doing these intricate doodles with a pencil." What finally brought them together was the kitchen. One Saturday evening both Rieters were home. Typically Ben would be glued to the TV, while Stephen would go on the computer in the den downstairs, but this Saturday they found themselves at 8pm looking for snacks. "Maggie normally has a stockpile of my favourite chips in the cupboard," said Ben, "but I guess we had run out. I was rummaging through the cracker boxes, looking for something good, when Stephen came in." "It was a little awkward," said Stephen. "I mean, I think we've said maybe five words to each other in the last year. I mumbled something about needed something to chew on and dad muttered something. He was hogging the cupboards and finally comes out with a bag of oatmeal cookies. And then I could see the gears slowly spinning in his head and he offers me to take a handful, only it didn't come out quite right. I think he said something like 'Want you some?' or something funny like that. I said yeah, thanks, and asked if he wanted some orange juice. So I poured him a glass, but my hand was shaking for some reason and I spilled a bit." "I think that's when I lost it," said Ben. "Stephen was trying to pour this glass of orange juice but it was as if his depth perception had disappeared. I guess neither of us really felt comfortable with the other, and maybe he was a little nervous. Anyway, it was the funniest thing I ever saw. And as soon as I started laughing, he started laughing. I knew that some huge wall between us was crumbling down." The kitchen episode has 'sparked up' a relationship between Ben and Stephen. Since then they've been able to weed-out their differences. "Somehow
dad seems more human when I know we share one thing," said Stephen.
"We try to 'blow off a little smoke' most evenings now--to get past
the feelings on the surface, you know, and get to what's really there.
Then we can relax and listen to a little music or watch the lava lamp.
But, although I can appreciate the old man more, I don't think I'm ever
going to like the Doobie Brothers. I've never been to Disneyland, but
maybe one day dad will take me to the Magic Kingdom."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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