 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR OIL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
NORTHERN ALBERTA-- While everyone's heads are turned towards the Middle East, where Arabs pretend to dominate the world oil market, the real sultans continue to pump out the crude in Upper Gretzkia, formerly known as Northern Alberta, where 70% of the world's oil reserves are located.
Situated some kilometres south of the famed 'blood' diamond fields of the Northwest Territories, the entire Northern Albertan plateau rests on a sea of crude oil. Oil gushes to the surface between cracks in the prairie--and into the pocket books of the citizens of Upper Gretzkia, as the province is called. The earth is so saturated that even stamping the ground with your feet is not recommended--as you could punch your way through the thin crust and get stuck up to your waist in oil! Oil wells still decorate the vast province, although they are little more than spigots that are turned on to fill barrels--much as people in other provinces turn on a water tap. The province has become the richest in Canada. Prairie tycoons can be seen in major cities such as Edmonton, where their wealth is ostentatiously displayed. They drive stretch SUVs with built-in hot-tubs and block heaters, dine at the fanciest restaurants, where the best beef and coldest beer is served, and attend fine cultural events, like NHL hockey games and tractor pull contests. Despite the wealth, the area still clings tenaciously to a fierce tribal culture. Upper Gretzkia is a confederation of emirates, each controlled, in theory, by an emir often called "the owner." In reality, the law is kept by tribes, called "clubs," who only answer to their leaders--called "coaches." Coaches settle disputes, hand out punishments, and distribute the wealth generated by the immense oil fields. Emirs, although often seen as figure-heads, often play different coaches and teams against each other as they curry favour from the Supreme Potentate of Upper Gretzkia. Tribal disputes are quickly put aside during football season though when the entire Province comes together to cheer their team against their hated rivals from Lower Gretzkia. The huge wealth created by the oil has created some tensions between those who believe that the money should be used to help diversify the economy, and those who believe it should be spent as quickly as possible on gadgets and expensive ornaments. Right now 95% of all revenues are generated from oil, with the remaining 5% from hockey players. There is the occasional wheat field and cattle ranch, but they are kept mostly by nomadic traditionalists. Revenues generated from the oil has been used to improve the quality of life of all citizens. There have been some accusations that some money is being used to fund radical separatists in Quebec and Newfoundland, but connections are difficult to trace. Canadian
oil sheiks are standing on top of a gold mine--of oil, and they are quickly
turning the tides, though most have never seen the ocean.
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
