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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR SUPERHERO HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
OCEAN CITY-- There cannot be good without evil, but Evil could move into the penthouse if Good doesn't put down a damage deposit soon. One city in particular is in super-need of super-support.
The peaceful seaside
metropolis of Ocean City, the ninth largest urban district by population
census, is the only major city without super-representation. While the
other major cities, Metropolis, Gotham City, Capital City, all have superheros
to protect its vulnerable citizens from mutant masterminds, villainous
vanquishers, and intergalactic interlopers, Ocean City is left to defend
itself. The city is at risk to evil exploitation, and is looking for a
super-solution. "Crime is rampant in Ocean City--albeit a normal, non super-villain kind of crime," said mayor Paul Pennington III. "We could probably take care of that with an increased policing budget, but as it stands, we are a ripe target for any super-villain who wants to take up residence and declare his domination over us." The mayor has already worked out a secret signal, and has purchased a spotlight, which has been mounted on the roof of City Hall. All it needs is a logo, to be supplied by the first superhero willing to take up the job. "No, we never had any problems with super-evil before," added Police Chief Daniel O'Flaherty, "but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before someone like Captain Electro, The Pelican, or Mort Morpheus the Master of Misery has us in their grip of terror." "And why shouldn't a master villain want to take up residence in beautiful Ocean City," continued O'Flaherty. "We've got the world's largest amethyst...and it's woefully underprotected; our hydroelectric dam could easily be destroyed, washing away our city in a massive flood, our nuclear plant is ripe for extortion, and our scientists are brilliant enough to be exploited by anyone with nefarious intentions. And we'd be totally helpless against tidal waves, typhoons, or other weather-related catastrophes caused by any evil-madman who sought to exploit our super-deficient weakness. It would be as easy as taking candy from a child...as long as that child had no super-powers." The politicians of Ocean City wonder what they need to do get the protection that only a superhero can provide. "Is there a process involved, or do we have to wait for a freak chemical accident to genetically transform one of our citizens into a super doer-of-good?" asked Pennington. "Or maybe we already have one, one who is still in super-puberty, concealing his identity until his powers have developed." Pennington has tried taking out employment ads, without success, and has even looked into the possibility of luring a superhero from another city by offering a generous contract, and including photos of the city's many helpless maidens. The city would even be willing to pay a contractor to build a secret lair, if necessary, or finance a super-fortress on the outskirts of town. "I'd sure like to get a powerful superhero, like Superman," considered Pennington. "He's the total package. It would sure be disappointing to get stuck with someone like The Atom. Sure, he's got a big heart, but there's only so many molecular-sized threats a city needs to deal with." Pennington
hopes that he can find a super-solution soon, because next month the city
is planning to unveil the world's most powerful laser, demonstrate the
awesome power of the only functioning mind control device in existence,
and honor the metallurgist who has learned the secret of turning lead
into gold.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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