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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR WARGAME HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
SOMEWHERE IN THE BACKYARD--Two army men are missing after Operation Grass Storm, a war game involving close to two dozen troops from the specialized "lean green war machine" troop. Those missing men are model soldiers, and everyone is praying for their safe return.
"When I started playing, there were twenty-one soldiers," stated Bobby Andrews, 7, the young owner of the polymer platoon. "Now, there are only nineteen. This is truly a sad day in suburban military playfare." Bobby is hoping for the best, but is steeling himself for the worst. He has already lost three men over the last two months during similar exercises. Two were never recovered, and the third was in a serious state of disintegration. "He got chewed up pretty bad...the dog got him," said Bobby, biting his lip. "I keep him as a casualty piece now--but in a separate box. I don't want the other soldiers to lose their morale." Bobby blames himself for the backyard blunder. He trusts that the missing GI's will be able to extrude themselves from their situation, but he realizes that they aren't very experienced. "It's true these soldiers are green," admitted Bobby. "But so is the grass...and it's really long." The young military commander noticed the two army men were missing just before lunch when he was re-assembling the troop at the rendezvous point, on top of the picnic table on the back porch. Bobby's not sure, but he thinks at least one was carrying a machine gun. The two missing pieces, part of a specially molded team, were trained in plastic explosives. Bobby believes their mobility may have been affected--probably because their feet are mounted on flat pedestal bases. Operation Grass Storm started after Bobby's elite squad of molded-plastic military men were knocked down conducting exercises near the tool shed. Realizing more training in guerilla warfare was needed, Bobby took them off the exposed asphalt and camouflaged them in the grass. In several mock skirmishes the soldiers were able to harass the front lines of the enemy and secure the jungle. "Bobby's operational tactics were sound," said his friend Christopher. "He had the army men arranged in a classic open field position. Near the shed they had no chance against the basketball, the poodle, or the flaming aerosol can, but once out in the lawn they were able to blend into the landscape and retaliate unseen." Although Bobby is hoping dad may recruit some extra soldiers--from the local dollar store--to replace the missing units, Bobby fears that there is little hope in recovering the toy troopers that are missing in action. "Dad's
going to be mowing the lawn this weekend," said Bobby regretfully.
"That only leaves me 72 hours for any possible search and rescue
operation."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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