 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE PARK--When Phil Mortensen took his family for a Sunday walk in the park, he was expecting a pleasant stroll through the woods. Instead, he found himself in the middle of a mystery.
Phil, his wife Karen, and his 10-year old daughter Amanda were walking from their minivan (a 1996 Ford Windstar) down the path to the river, when they started to cross on the bridge. "That's when I saw it floating in the river," said Phil. "I just couldn't believe what I was seeing." "I guess I must have screamed or something," he said, shaking his head. "Because both Karen and Amanda rushed over to the side, and of course there it was, bobbing up and down, in plain site." "Phil let out this weird sort of gurgle," said Karen, "and I knew something was up. I thought maybe he saw a ghost, but when I looked over and saw what was in the river I nearly retched. I tried to keep Amanda from seeing it, but of course it was too late. Those kids are as fast as lightening." Amanda wasn't as shocked as her parents. "At first I couldn't really tell what it was," she said, "because of the way the light was shining on the river, but it wasn't as gross as you'd think it would be. I mean it was pretty gross, but I didn't feel like throwing up or anything, although if you and me were just talking and you said you saw something like that in the river and it was gross and all then I probably would feel like throwing up, but just standing there on the bridge and looking at it I didn't feel like throwing up, it was just this thing floating, and I was thinking, wow I should really be grossed out but I'm not and it just seemed too weird." "I couldn't just leave it there in the river," said Phil, "so I said to Karen that we should fish it out, and she said, 'no way you're doing that'." "I thought we should call someone," said Karen. "Maybe there are rules about finding these sorts of things." "But I didn't want other people having to see that thing," said Phil. "So, Amanda and I got down to the side of the river and we tried pulling it over with a stick. It was lodged behind a couple of rocks. That's when this guy, Harvey, comes over with his retriever. Well, the dog goes nuts, jumps in the water--that water isn't too warm at this time of year either--grabs it and pulls it to shore, all the while Harvey is yelling at it to leave it alone." "It was unbelievable," said Harvey. "Normally Blackie is such a well-behaved dog, but I guess seeing something like this was too much and off she went. Simply astonishing." Blackie the retriever dragged the thing out of the river and ran off towards the woods with Harvey and Phil chasing her. By the time they caught her she had already stashed it in a hiding spot, and was running towards them wagging her tail. "I didn't know what to do," said Phil. "On the one I felt we should have given it to someone, but on the other, now that the dog has buried it maybe it doesn't matter." "One
thing for sure," said Harvey, "is that I gave that dog a bath
as soon as we got home."
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
