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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
The Knights Templar (or The Poor Knights of Christ and the Temple of Solomon) were the 12th Century protectors, religious warrior monks who guarded the road to the Holy Land during the Crusades. The once-powerful organization was disbanded early in 1300's by a greedy king and a power-hungry pope, but its surviving members carried their code of ethics to many far-away lands, including Canada, where they continued to practice their chivalrous ways.
In Canada, the disinherited soldiers became known as the Royal Canadian Knights Templar (RCKT), and were noted for their strict code of conduct, their valour in battle, and the rumours that they worshipped a brazen moose head. The RCKT were charged with the protection of the road from Ottawa, Ontario to Hull, Quebec during the Canadian Crusades, a tumultuous period in the Nation's history. The pious Canadian knights protected Christians who traveled on pilgrimages between the two distant lands. Predecessors to the RCMP, the heroic order lasted for close to 100 years, despite the inhospitable climate. (Armor and snow did not go well together, and the salt on the roads effectively put an end to steel armour, as their expensive protection rotted away after two or three seasons). Many knights suffered frostbite, some froze to death, and others kept getting their tongues stuck on the insides of their helmets. Eventually the knights discarded their traditional European armor, for more sensible battle furs and woolens.The knights are also credited with inventing snowshoes and ice skates, fundamental armor accessories that helped improve their fighting abilities against the infidels during the harsh Canadian winters. After the pagan hordes were defeated, the RCKT became a simple policing order. They still upheld their original rules of conduct, but developed a distinct code which included honesty, integrity, and moderate dental hygiene.
Tragically, the Order was betrayed. The last Canadian Grand Master of the Order, Paul-Pierre d'Hamilton, was tortured by the notoriously cruel Prime Minister McRiel, who coveted the Order's riches, which were mostly wise investments, some RRSPs, and one modestly profitable medium-sized maple syrup distillery. The Prime Minister accused the order of several heinous charges, including murder, rape, and uttering profanities in front of school children. D'Hamilton was burned at the stake when he refused to confess to charges of usury, lechery, debauchery, treachery, treason, and riding a horse without proper insurance. The Royal
Canadian Knights Templar are still remembered. Masonic Orders and Templar
societies put on festivals in South Western Quebec every summer, where
historic Templars battles are recreated and many Pagans are sacrificed.
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