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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
LYNDEN, WASHINGTON--You might as well add the word inevitable to this story, because everyone knew it would happen. As surprising as a riot following a Metallica concert no-show, "Jack" the swollen-headed spokesperson for the Jack In The Box restaurants, ended up losing his oversized ping-pong ball head during a promotional event. The calamity happened in front of one of the popular fast-food franchises, in front of thousands of screaming witnesses.
The cue-bald, conical hat-wearing spokesman was giving away 5,000 antenna balls during the "Grease For Peace" promotional campaign. Unfortunately for Jack, there were fewer promotional balls than there were fans, and when the supplies ran out, the crowd became unruly. At the point when the angry crowd realized that all the balls had been handed out, they rushed the small speaking platform and reached for the much larger antenna ball, not realizing that it was Jack's bulbous head, a head that was--up until that moment--attached to Jack's body. "I could see [Jack's head] being tossed around like a giant lopsided beach ball," said Jim McMurtry, a burger fan who came all the way from Enumclaw for the promotion. "It went from hand to hand, and then finally, some guy at the edge of the crowd grabbed it and ran." It was Lonnie Newell, an electrician from Bellingham, who finally got the somewhat bloodied antenna-head. "I grabbed what I thought was an antenna ball," said Lonnie. "Sure, it seemed a little large and heavy, but I was sure it was part of the promotion. I knew they had run out of balls, and I figured this might be the last one. So when it came into my hands I took it and ran like a dog with a steak bone." With a little effort Lonnie was able to clean the bloodstained orb and jam it onto the antenna of his Jeep. He drove it to work the next day. "Now that I know the value of this thing I'm worried about someone stealing it," said Lonnie of his new prize. "That, or having the wind blow it off on the freeway." Unsurprisingly,
Jack was unable to comment on the tragic event.
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