| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
 Sea Tales from Old Pete
I remember the banana blockade back in aught six. I was just a young lad
working as the apple boy on the fair bottle schooner known as the Simone
Saez. The Americans had a trade embargo going on against the Dutch
protectorate, the Butter Churn Islands, and we were stuck in the middle
of it, hauling 200 tons of Brazilian breadfruit.
Johnny Spaniard, a
Frenchman, was our captain, and he had the good sea sense to avoid conflict
with the Yanks. But the Dutch needed their cargo, and we needed the to
sell it to afford that new steering bridle for the ship.
Johnny had an idea
to get past the fleet (twelve it was I think) of Yankee Doodles, twin-masted
scuttle boats with enough cannon power to sink Nelson's ego. Johnny figured
the best way past the American armada would be to give them the Welshman's
oar, a diversionary tactic popular during the Battle of Cork.
Well, the
Yanks bought the lure like a Greek prince with a tuna gun, and we were
able to make port without losing so much as a folded wharf canvas. I won't
say I wasn't a little bit scared of the whole adventure, what with me
just being a tadpole, and not knowing the difference between a piper's
pole and a casting bridge. But in the end, I think I learned a little
bit more about Lady Ocean, and her sweet songs of salt candy.
Old
Pete's Story Archive
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