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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR NASAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE CLINIC -- It may have happened to you, or more specifically, to your nose before: you find a Tupperware container that's been buried in the back of your refrigerator since last Thanksgiving, you peel back the lid, and then you're knocked "scents-less" by the offensive odors of Spam surprise that leapt out to overpower your nostrils. This is a classic example of nasal shock.
Fortunately, the medical science of aroma therapy has developed to the point that sinus transplants are no longer necessary. New aroma therapies allow the nasally-afflicted to gradually recover their sense of smell, without surgeons cramming their fingers up your nose. Aroma therapy treatment involves re-introducing simple smells and scents to the nasally-impaired patient. Aroma therapists exercise the nose until it begins to recognize once-familiar smells. The therapy progresses with fragrances and perfumes, until the client is ready for advanced scents. After endless rehabilitation sessions, sometimes taking months, the patient is eventually able to distinguish almost 97.3% of the scents they were originally capable of smelling. The olfactory overloads that lead to nasal damage aren't surprising. You may have suffered mild nasal shock from opening up that muddy-coloured pickle jar you found in grandma's pantry cupboard, or when you unzipped your gym bag to find the sweaty sports socks you left inside two months before. It isn't always a case (or carton) of rotten eggs. "I caught a whiff of my Aunt Hilda's cream of head cheese soup," said Lloyd Dowler, who is recovering from nasal shock. "The foul fumes from her noxious stew instantly disabled my sense of smell. My doctor recommended six months of aroma therapy to get my sniffer functioning normally. He also told me to avoid my aunt's cooking for as long as possible." Lloyd's sense of smell was damaged to the point he couldn't smell his own farts under a blanket. But with intense aroma therapy, four days a week, Lloyd was able to recover some of his senses. "After only a few weeks, I came out smelling like a rose," said Lloyd. "Or rather, smelling like a guy who could smell roses. If I smelled like a rose, which would be nice I'm sure, I'd be able to tell. I prefer musk though...which also smells nice." But Lloyd is only one of thousands of nasal sufferers. "Nasal shock can be very serious," said Dr. Tse-Ling Phan, aromatologist at the Sandalwood Clinic. "When you wake up and can't smell the coffee, or the coffee smells like rancid meat, you probably need the type of nasal reconditioning that only aroma therapy can provide. Really, your nose needs to be treated the same as any other muscle in your body. Smelling is like lifting. If you try to smell too much at once, it's the same result as if you lift too much--sort of like a nasal hernia." Dr. Phan tries not to look down his nose at other physicians who have scoffed at aroma therapy. "Our modern lifestyle has restricted our od our detection and retention capabilities with an excess of air conditioning, aerosol fresheners, and sanitary hygiene," said Dr. Phan. "As a result, the modern nose does not have the resistance our ancestors had to toxic aromatic substances." Dr. Phan believes there is much that can be done to reduce the risk of nasal shock. "Do
a lot of breathing, and a lot of smelling," says Dr. Phan. "Start
with simple soothing smells, and then strengthen your senses slowly with
more complex and unpleasant odors. Work those bi-septum and tri-septum
muscles! Do
what you can to get your nose running again."
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