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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR STAR WARS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
TATTOOINE-- The Sand People, the fearsome desert savages that live in the outer wastes, are preparing for the inevitability of war. The nomadic tribes that inhabit the dusty regions of the remote planet are quickly developing into a threatening force.
Considered by most to be ferocious and uncivilized, the Sand People usually prefer to keep to themselves. However, as moisture farmers develop settlements and colonies close to traditional Sand People lands, the raggedly-dressed denizens of the Wastes are becoming more aggressive. Their regime has been known to shoot at pods racing through sacred grounds, and have taken prisoners, mostly farmers, whom they consider to be trespassers. The citizens of Mos Moistly, a town close to the edge of the Wastes have asked for an Imperial resolution to be passed which would allow them to initiate military action against the Sand People. "We fear that the Sand People may have developed bladed clubs of mass destruction," said prefect Egar Dustsniffer. "We will not tolerate our peaceful way of life being threatened by these criminals of the New Republic." The Tatooine government suspects that the Sand People are plotting to invade their resource-rich spaceports, and are taking pre-emptive measures to prevent the hostile desert scum from taking aggressive action. They will not tolerate threats of intergalactic terrorism.
"Unless the Sand People destroy all of their gaderffii (clubs) and submit a list of how many banthas (large herd beasts) they have, the United Coalition of Tatooine will be forced to invade the Jundland Wastes and remove the threat," continued Dustsniffer, "with or without the approval of the Hutts." The Hutts, the "real" government on Tattooine, have already sent Imperial arms inspectors into the Wastes. They found a few old rifles with really, really long barrels which were promptly destroyed. Hutt minions confide that the Hutts are unlikely to support any military action unless they get to keep the prisoners of war for their own amusement. Supposedly, the Sand People have trained an army of Tusken Raiders, elite desert soldiers, but the size of the army is unknown, as they tend to travel in single-file to disguise their numbers. An irregular force of Jawas is also believed to have been conscripted to act as guerrilla suicide merchants. There are
also reports that the Sand People have already shot down several droids.
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| This fictional story about the Sand People is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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