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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR CUTE ANIMAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
SOMEWHERE-- The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Stuffed Animals (SPCSA) is appalled by the treatment of plush toys, and they're ready to start knocking the stuffing out of those who abuse their soft, cuddly, huggables.
The Society charges that every day stuffed animals are being abused, and no one is giving a stitch about it. They say that Teddy bears are being chewed by household pets, Beanie Babies are being left to suffocate inside "protective" plastic pouches, and sock monkeys are left in disrepair, their foam stuffing littering carpets from open tears in their fabric. "It's horrible the way these 'comfort' toys are being treated," said Anita Biere, spokesperson for the SPCSA. "Children aren't responsible enough to care for stuffed animals. Their nurturing instincts aren't fully developed; they're just as likely to tickle Elmo to tears as pet their plush puppy." The SPCSA has been trying to teach compassion for several years, but their message isn't reaching everyone. "I caught my seven-year-old tearing the ears off of his Teddy Ruxpin bear," admitted Monica Tandour, mother. "He was being beaten like a rag doll. Well, you better believe I put a stop to that right away, but who's to say he won't do it again as soon as I turn my back?"
Anita blames violent video games, punk music, and insolent 'attitudes' for much of the abuse. "Of course we can't discount the fact that plush animals can't speak, whimper, or otherwise show their pain and unhappiness," she said. "They truly can't speak for themselves, except in Toy Story. But I know when I look into the faded plastic eyes of a poor teddy that's been stuffed onto the dashboard of a car in the hot sun, I can hear their silent cries. That's why I care." Despite the best efforts of Anita Biere and the Society, stuffed animal rights activists are not getting the respect of the community. While they're trying to teach people to foster kindness, respect, and empathy for plush toys, there is still a surprising lack of humane treatment when it comes to caring for toys made out of synthetic fabrics. "Most people just don't understand," said Anita. "They think of their stuffed animal as a thing, a possession that they can do whatever they want to. We raided one home where we found over fifty stuffed animals all piled together on a young woman's bed!" "What
it amounts to is stuffed animal torture," said Andrew Whippet, stuffed
animal rights advocate. "Intentionally mutilating a plush Pooh bear
is reprehensible, but it's no worse an offence than leaving it locked
in a children's closet, or cramming it into a toy chest with 35 other
toys. How would you like it?"
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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