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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR INTERNET HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
IN THE OFFICE --Internet Friendly Media, a forward-looking progressive e-commerce company, has decided to adopt a paperless office policy. A memo was printed out and distributed to each of the company's 240 employees, and next week they will receive a 12-page pamphlet with their paycheques outlining the company's procedures for saving paper in the new economy.
Internet Friendly Media wants to show clients, shareholders, and the public that they have environmental concerns, and a corporate attitude that reflects conservation and recycling. Company chairman Bob Kleinsdorf is excited about the program. "I want to see posters, pamphlets, and printouts showing how dedicated we are to saving paper," recited Bob. Bob's assistant carefully wrote everything down in a notebook, which would later be typed into a word-processor, printed out, photocopied, and distributed to the appropriate department heads. "We'll need to photocopy the log-in procedures," continued Bob, "and I want feedback forms for staff to write-in any suggestions for improvements. Let's have the information flowing both ways. We'll get Human Resources to process any suggestions, but I'd like a copy for my own records." The company is absolutely thrilled about its plan for eliminating excess paper usage. "We want to make sure we do this right," said Barbara Flim, marketing assistant, "so we're creating a sub-department, we're calling it the 'de-paper-ment' for fun, with an 8-page full-colour newsletter detailing our progress every month." "Creating a paperless office isn't as easy as it sounds," continued Barbara. "Lots of people are involved. For example, I e-mailed our last meeting's agenda to all nine of the creative staff, but decided I should ask Lindsay to print out twelve copies for the meeting anyway. We were discussing how we were going to reduce redundancy. Corinne wrote the minutes of the meeting on yellow foolscap, then entered them into her Excel spreadsheet afterwards. She forwarded copies to the directors and management, and printed out extra copies for filing. After the meeting, Corinne posted the minutes on the board in the kitchen, so everyone could see what was going on. Julie hand-drew some new designs for the poster and then scanned them. She designed the new layout in Illustrator and printed out a dozen or so copies to put up around the building, because some people might not make it to the kitchen." After all the hard word a set of procedures was finally printed out and distributed to each staff member.
"We want to write the book on how to do this right," said Barbara. "And to do that properly means documentation." "As our press release clearly states, we want to align ourselves with the 'Green' movement," said Barbara. "We must have mailed out close to a hundred of them to news media around North America. Of course, we're only one company but if other companies can see what we're doing they'll realize that they can help stop the tree carnage. We'll be happy to send them a photocopy of our 300-page Policy History Document detailing how we're implementing this strategy." Internet Friendly Media's campaign will include business posters, three-fold brochures, and a mass mail-out, to show their customers how dedicated they are to making their business independent of paper. "It's the next logical step into the 'new economy'," said Barbara. It would appear that Internet Friendly Media is well on its way to adopting an environmentally "friendly" office. "It's
too early to see what the savings will be," said Bob, looking over
stacks of reports on the paperless office proposal. "I know we had
a bit of a paper-use spike this last quarter, but I think it might just
be people having the jitters before we pull the plug."
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