CANADA'S SOURCE FOR FISHING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

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There Must Be Something Left In The Ocean To Fish!

ST JOHN'S NEWFOUNDLAND--The Atlantic Plankton Federation (APF) is asking the federal Department of Fisheries and Oceans (DFO) to repeal its decision to cancel this year's plankton fishery. The APF, formerly known as the Atlantic Krill Federation, before that the Atlantic Bottom Feeding Fish Federation, and prior to that the Atlantic Cod and Halibut Federation, and once originally known as the Atlantic Salmon Federation, denies that overfishing in the Atlantic is leading to a shortage of plankton.

Newfoundland plankton fishermen prepare their boats for another day of plankton fishing.

"Plankton are strong, and plentiful in numbers," said Will Westerson, APF president. "Since there are no other fish left in our oceans to endanger the plankton populations, what possible threat could there be?"

Will doesn't believe in the outdated Maximum Sustainable Yield philosophy, that preaches that only a certain amount of a species can be taken from the ocean without diminishing the future take.

"That 'theory'--and it was only a theory--was disproved years ago," said Will. "I've been fishing this ocean all my life, as did my father, and his father, and his father's father, and so on back to time immemorial. There's always been enough for them, so there'll always be enough for me."

Will's sound logic has carried the fisheries through several crisises, defending the fishing industry during those numerous times when fish catches began to mysteriously decline.

"I got a different theory," said Will. "I think it's those know-nothing bureaucrats in Ottawa who want to keep all the plankton for themselves, or Quebec that are saying there aren't enough plankton in the sea no more. See, the way I figure it, they want all them plankton to swim up the St. Lawrence and right into their gill-netters and seiners. Well, we'll show them. We're going to set up a plankton blockade around the whole Gulf of St. Lawrence. There ain't no plankton getting by us."

Canada has always advocated a precautionary approach to fisheries management, although that approach has never seemed to work. With few remaining species left in the Atlantic Ocean, the Atlantic fishery has had to reshape itself to whatever it can strain out of the water.

With declining plankton stocks, the DFO may consider opening a coral polyp fishery, a jellyfish fishery, a barnacle fishery, or a sea-salt fishery to support the fishing industry. Failing that, there are plans to open an Employment Insurance Fishery early next year.

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