The Toque
Slippery ven Vette

Business Solutions: The Ass Copier

Atlantic Plankton Fishery Threatened

Interdimensonal Vortex Keeps Ruining All My Parties

"This site is intended for adults, eh. If you find this material offensive, please don't read it." -Toque Guy

TOQUE T-SHIRTS
STILL AVAILABLE!

Issue 18| Volume 6
June 3rd, 2003
LAST WEEK'S ISSUE
 
"CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE"

The Other Line Always Moves Faster

Eating At McDonald's Is A Religious Experience

City Approves Safe Inhalation Sites

PAST STORIES
BUSINESS/ECONOMICS
CANADIANA
COMPUTERS
CONSUMER RELATED
GAMING
HEALTH/MEDICINE
HUMAN INTEREST
PARA-ABNORMAL/OCCULT
POPULAR CULTURE
RECREATION
RELIGIOUS
SCIENCE/TECHNOLOGY
SOCIETY
SPORTS
WORLDLY ISSUES
BIZARRE!
EDITORIAL ARCHIVES

BARRY ONMIONE:
Bachelor Tips
BURT UMBRE:
Fashion Fast Lane
CAPTAIN ELECTRO:
How To Take Over The World!
CECIL SECHELLES:
Make Money On The Internet
Dr. EMERIL LAZARUS:
Start Your Own Cult!
EVAN GILLESTE:
Secrets From The Bible
FLOYD BARBER:
Warehouse Supervisor
FUBRICS SHORT:
Canadian Politics
GROUCHY JOE:
Proud American
HELENA AUNDE-BAGUE:
Advice On Love/Success
INQUISITOR YBARRA
Sexual Health

LUC BEAUTHOAISE:
The Hopeless Romantic
OLD PETE:
Sea Tales
KENT FUKUZURA:
Science Made Simple
SHIRLEY EUGESTE:
Entertainment Reviews

The Twilight's Last Gleaming

ON THE BUS-- Bobby Wilson has probably been watching too many television reruns, because he could have sworn he was living one of them on his ride home from school.

Crisis at 20 feetBobby, 11, was certain that a mysterious man resembling celebrated actor William Shatner was outside the window of the bus, following alongside it riding on a horse.

Bobby, who is a big Star Trek fan, and enjoys the original Twilight Zone series, was unable to convince the bus driver or other passengers that the celebrity was deliberately tampering with the bus, tearing off pieces of the metal siding with his bare hands.

Bobby usually gets a ride from his dad, but that particular day his dad's car, a 1981 Gremlin, was in the shop because someone had tampered with the engine.


CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

The Toque is a humour/satire magazine published every week here on the Internet. We strive to write the most outrageously ordinary material, bringing you the maximum amount of laughter with the least amount of effort.

All of our stories are original and written by our own staff, without the assistance of drugs, alcohol, or banned sugar substitutes.

We encourage you to write us and tell us what you think of our site. Let us know if you have any suggestions, opinions, words of encouragement, or if you just to want to tell us we've left our turn signal on.

Yes, we're aware that we're not The Onion, but I'm sure they get the same comparisons to us.

Thanks for reading and come back as often as you like. Tell a friend, post a link, buy a t-shirt, and always remember that a toque is more than just a frickin' hat.

TV Woodworking Host Cashes In His Chips

NEW ENGLAND -- Norm Abram has been hosting The New Yankee Workshop for 15 years, spending that time creating masterpieces in woodwork, and restoring timeless classics.

Every week, Norm shows millions of Americans how to design and build practical and decorative furniture using an easy step-by-step process.

But sadly, due to a terminal illness, Norm's show will not be returning for another season.

However, the final six episodes this year will be devoted to building an antique Adirondack-style coffin.

The adjustable coffin will be made of natural-stained chestnut, complete with hammered iron strips, mitered joints, and authentic-style hinges.

Nobody's Fault But Mine

SANTA ROSA, CA-- Barney Stevens, the fleet supervisor for Weigh-Right Disposal, is a compassionate human.

nice crack!It was no surprise then that Barney was extremely upset when he noticed the 75 foot crack running along the driveway to the service yard.

Realizing that the company's headquarters and five-acre lot are positioned right on top of a major earthquake fault line, and that the crack indicated a potential for seismic disaster, Barney reacted in the only way he knew how.

"Geoff," he said. "I want you to get 50 gallons of MINCO Fass-Caulk and seal this sucker up as quickly as possible. I don't want this thing spreading!"

Barney hopes that his quick decision helped ease the stress in the tectonic plates, thus preventing a potential catastrophe.

LINKS | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | TELL A FRIEND
Copyright 2005-2001
The Toque Entertainment