There's A Lot Of Love In This Room

IN YOUR KITCHEN-- It's 2:35am, and your 30th birthday party is starting to wind down.

All the women have left, but you're comfortable in the fact that your two best friends are still here, telling you that they love you very much.

Funny, they're usually not very open about their feelings. It must be the good times--good friends theorem, and with it being a special occasion they decided to open up to you.

Unless...it was the three cases of malt beer they drank, along with the bottle of Jack Daniels, the tray-full of Jell-O shooters, and that mason jar full of pickle juice that had been in the back of your fridge since last summer.

CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

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Psychic Fair Rained Out

SEATTLE-- Patrons will have to wait until next weekend to have fortunes told, palms read, and futures divined, as the Pacific Northwest Psychic Fair had to be cancelled due to inclement weather.

The outdoor fair, held every year on the first weekend of June, was postponed because of a sudden thunderstorm.

Psychic organizers were caught completely off-guard by the unpredictable weather.

"It was supposed to be sunny," said Madam Ima'dam, a twenty-year psychic. "No one expected those clouds to come in so quickly."

That Bitch Stole My Boyfriend

SANTA ANNA RETIREMENT CENTRE-- Betty Matthews and Helga Dowrimple used to be the best of friends...that was until Helga stole Betty's beau, right from under her nose!

"I did not," chirped Helga, 78. "Howard was never 'involved' with that old cow [Betty]. They were just friends."

"Oh, what a load of crap," replied Betty, 74. "Helga's been after my boyfriend ever since she tried to wet his dabber on Bingo Night."

"Nonsense," responded Helga. "Everyone in craft class knew there was nothing going on. Betty has obviously been forgetting to take her vitamin supplements."

Meanwhile, while the two former friends cackled back and forth over their male companion, Howard Conway, the boyfriend in question, was out in the courtyard serenading Edith Prippen, a sexy young widow of sixty-eight.