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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Since there's still controversy over whether life has ever existed on Mars, let's send a home-made probe there to find out for ourselves! We'll need at least two components for our mission: a launch and flight component--that's the rocket, and a robot that will do the exploring. You could combine the two elements into a super rocket/explorer combo--that would be thinking outside of the box, or literally, in the box--but for simplicity's sake let's assume the rocket is expendable and we just want to get our robot to the red planet. We'll discuss options for retrieving our equipment later. Let's start with the rocket. Using small propane tanks that dad uses when you're out camping, construct a 5-stage rocket where each successive stage is lit just as the previous one empties. (See illustration) In a pinch you could get away with kerosene or jellied camp fuel, but I find it messier to work with. At the top, create a chamber to hold your robot. Make sure you fold the parachute properly! It would be unfortunate to lose your probe after such a long journey because of a scrunched-up bit of fabric. You have a lot of options for your planet-exploring robot. It might be tempting to send your little sister in the module, but that would mean you'd need more propane cylinders to get her out of Earth's gravity. Let's not waste them, shall we? You could design and build your own Mars Explorer, just like the big boys at NASA use. That would give you maximum flexibility, but if you're in a rush, why not modify a LEGO Mindstorms kit? There's one already called the Mars Exploration Kit, I believe, or you could use the Robotics Invention System. Why not? Both would be perfect starter modules. If you do go this route remember to modify the controls to take into account the much vaster distances. It's Earth-to-Mars as opposed to couch-to-floor. What are some experiments your robot should do when on Mars? Drilling into the crust and rock analysis are obvious ones. How about seeing if your robot can flip itself and take pictures/movies upside down? A good trick would be if it could replace its own batteries and recharge the spent ones with a solar-powered generator. That way your Mars Explorer could keep on going until you have devised a manned mission to retrieve it! Good luck on your mission to Mars...or beyond!
DISCLAIMER: Kent's column is intended for amusement purposes only.
Never play with atomic novelty exploding golfballs, don't ever set your
phaser to "kill", and never send a probe to Mars without asking
NASA's permission. |
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