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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
OFF THE COAST -- A water buffalo strays from its herd, attracted by a large patch of seagrass. Suddenly, the wind changes direction. The water buffalo lifts its head above the surface and sniffs the salty air. In a panic, it turns and dog-paddles as fast as it can back towards the herd. Too late. An orange and brown shape leaps out of the surf and on to the water buffalo's neck, quickly breaking the spinal column and the poor creature's life. The sea lion, the undisputed king of the ocean, has taken another kill. The water buffalo's carcass firmly held under its paws, the sea lion lets out a mighty roar, although most of the sound is drowned out by the crashing waves. Such is the law of the sea.
Often mythologized as being noble creatures, sea lions will in fact attack the weakest sea mammal in any school or herd. Whether it's an aging orca, a crippled walrus, or even an elephant seal with a limp, the sea lion takes advantage of its victim being separated from the strength found in numbers. Even so, the sea lion, the king of the seven seas, is still a powerful carnivore, swimming mightily at the top of the food chain. Its mere presence is often enough to cause entire troops of zebra fish to stampede. Unfortunately, the sea lion's position as the primo sea-predator has not endeared it to fisherman and fish-herders. Over the past century its numbers have been steadily declining due to habitat loss, overfishing of its natural prey, and constantly getting its claws tangled in herring nets. The Lesser Atlantic Sea Lion became extinct in the early 1800s as baby lions were mercilessly hunted for their soft downy pelts, and adults killed for the ivory in their fangs. Conservation steps are being taken. The keystone in the new Ministry of the Environment's Sea Lion Protection Plan is education. To this end, two sea lions saved from illegal ocean leg-hold traps have been placed in the Vancouver Aquarium where they are being rehabilitated under the public spotlight. Siba and Biba have quickly become star attractions at the marine facility. Thousands of visitors watch--and learn--from them, whether they're jumping from the water to catch dangling wildebeests, or slapping their mighty paws on the water--splashing at screaming tourists. Called "training sessions" by their feeders, these activities mimic activities the sea lions would do in the wild, but at convenient pre-arranged times and under carefully controlled conditions. In reality, in the wild, the sea lion will spend most of its time grooming, getting the tangles out of its saltwater-soaked mane. The brine is terrible for its fur, so the sea lion must spend vast amounts of time cleaning itself before it lopes out into the surf looking for another victim. Sea lions paddle with powerful strokes along the surface of the sea. When hunting, the sea lion will wait downstream from its prey. A natural danger is getting kelp wrapped around its tail. When the sea lion pounces, the seaweed-like vegetation, which offers cover, can pull back at the sea lion, not only hurting its pride, but giving away its position and sending wildlife fleeing before it. Except for the leopard shark, nothing is faster than the sea lion. Tiger prawns, leopard fish, and even the mighty tiger sharks defer to the king of the seven seas. Damp, yet
majestic, the sea lion remains for now the master of his aquatic domain.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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